Blue Apron 

A food delivery service that deals almost exclusively in raisins, almonds, and vinegar. If it’s not sour and crunchy, it’s not Blue Apron.

Look at your hand? Nothing in it? Well, look at your other hand. You may be surprised to find $10 dollars in this hand. What to do? What to do? If you’re feeling hungry, you may be in luck because that $10 dollars can go a long way toward your next meal of choice. Heck, you can head on down to the local Qdoba and nom nom through a delicious double steak bowl with a side of chips and queso with 10 whole dollars. No one would knock you for making that choice, but you have another choice. You could choose to take that 10 dollars and have a combination of raisins, almonds, and vinegar delivered right to your door as many times a week as your little heart desires! This way you can take it upon yourself to cook up a nice, sour, grool after having spent that last 12 hours in the miserable hell hole you call a job. Blue Apron is the perfect excuse to don an apron, sharpen up those knives you got 10 years ago at your wedding, and dirty up every pot and pan in the house.

Here’s some excellent Blue Apron recipes:
1. Raisin and almond patties with a nice vinegar dipping sauce.
2. Raisin and almonds frozen in vinegar ice cubes to chill a nice glass of straight vinegar.
3. Raisin and almond kabobs(toothpicks not provided) grilled with a vinegar glaze.
4. Raisin/almond shooters with a vinegar base.

Blue Apron by Darren Besert October 26, 2017

blue apron 

When your marriage is failing and therapy is too expensive, you use Blue Apron. Bonding over Blue Apron includes screaming together at the customer service representative about a tablespoon of tomato paste was missing from your package, posting pictures of mediocre meals on your Facebook, and bragging about the overpriced raviolis you made on your monthly double date. A divorce is inevitable, but it does extend the toxic relationship for a few months.

"Elizabeth and I have been trying Blue Apron. It's been pretty good to use so far, but they keep forgetting our damn tomato paste. If they forget an ingredient in our next package, we're going to have to settle for a divorce."

blue apron by ilikescarecrows October 3, 2017