Manchester United's non-goalkeeper / goalletter. Signed by the notorious idiot Erik ten Haram for 50M quid after kicking club legend David de Gea out of the club, it has since become apparent that Onana had been cosplaying as a footballer all this time. His hands are made of poppadom and he is often called Dracula because he too is allergic to crosses. He is the type of goalkeeper that strikes confidence into the hearts of the opposition.
"AAAAAAAAAAAA FOR FUCK'S SAKE ONANA YOU FUCKING TWAT" - Mark Goldbridge after watching Andre Onana make his 69th blunder of the season
by Untar la Manteca August 10, 2025