Turtle Head

When you get home after a long day needing to take a gargantuan shit and so you run to the toilet and knock over your kid in the hallway and slam the bathroom door shut and wait for that sweet sweet moment when you gloriously defecate all over the bathroom but instead end up straining your asscheeks for an hour only for a tiny ass piece of shit to slightly poke its way out of your asshole. That piece of shit is called a turtle head and know you have to choose to behead your turtle either by straining your asscheeks closed or pulling the piece of shit out with your fingers and now your hand smells of ass and your kid is crying in the hallway and you still have to make dinner and oh fuck why am I still alive

Mom: Jimothy, alight from your dwelling in order to receive nutrition handcrafted by your own mother.
Jimothy, tearfully: Mother, how I wish to fulfill that which you have requested of me! But alas, I am unable to, for I am stuck in the predicament of having to deal with a Turtle Head!
Mother, wailing: Jimothy, my dear beloved son! How I weep for you! How I mourn! That you should have to deal with such an ordeal! I am so deeply sorry, but alas, am unable to help.

by BaddSpelur October 31, 2019

turtle head

When a dick is so small, that it appears it to look like a turtles head poking out of its shell.

Boy 1: Man, my balls are really cold right now.

Boy 2: Yeah, same. I hate when I a get turtle head

by MedicatedSloth July 13, 2022

Turtle Up

To go on the defensive. To make oneself incapable of harm or damage.

Can be used in a literal or figurative sense.

1. When losing the game, he chose to turtle up, giving himself an opportunity to comeback.

2. The opposing boxer decided to turtle up and wait for the striker to tire himself out before striking back.

by Finest Gentleman June 15, 2022

Turtle jiz

a code word for beer so your parents wont kno what your talkin about usally bud light

Turlte jiz is whats for dinner

dude nick my parents flipped when they found that turtle jiz in the back of my car

by nkasper August 27, 2008

Akward Turtle

A hand gesture used during a situation where a conversation becomes akward.Made by placing one hand on top of the other and twirling the thumbs to make it look like a turtle missing it's front legs

Man 1:Dude I was talking to Amanda but I ended up doing the akward turtle
Man 2: that's just sad man

by JaKeEisthebestest April 22, 2009

turtle boxing

When a girl is in a sleeping bag and she pokes her head out and you punch her in it and she goes back in, then you do it again.

Me and this bitch were camping so I turtle boxed her ass.

by thepoopybear February 26, 2004

Awkward Turtle

A word used to discribe the gesture made by your hands after a line or series of lines have been spoken that have now resulted in an uncomfortable silence. The person executing the "Awkward Turtle" is basically, jerking there hands around in rougly the shape of a turtle, unable to speak. And silence ensues

The evening was going smoothly until Merc had to go and tell us his dad used to lock him in a closet when he was bad. Silence ensued. Darrow began to make the "Awkward Turtle" with his hands, and the rest of us stared anywhere but at Merc.

by adelews July 25, 2007