6 definition by BaddSpelur

Top Definition
Kampen is a name given to a very special kind of person. No one quite knows how each of the world's various Kampens came to be, nevertheless, every person knows at least one Kampen. A Kampen is a human being, always of the male gender, who just has no fucking clue. He constantly makes shithead remarks that no one asked for, and doesn't seem to grasp the concept that everybody on planet Earth has a brain except him. These men have no brain. One would wonder how each of the world's Kampens managed to survive the amount of time that they have, but you can rest assured that natural selection will weed them out eventually.

Some characteristics of Kampens:

- Plays Fortnite

- Has a 'phone radar' that can instantly sense when someone pulls out a phone.

- Asks what model phone is that

- Asks what games are on that phone

- Asks how long you've had your phone for

- White

- Probably a Christian

- Wears shorts, every fucking day

- Never shaves, so just has an ugly-ass half-stache above his upper lip

- Voice is squeaky as fuck

- Makes sex jokes without knowing what they mean

- Definitely a virgin

- Makes Yo Mama jokes

It should be noted that people named Kampen do not have special needs. If they did, you could just call them special needs.
Teacher: What is thirty-one plus forty-eight?
Kampen: Sixty-nine!!!
Teacher: Fuck you Kampen, see me after class.
by BaddSpelur October 31, 2019

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When you get home after a long day needing to take a gargantuan shit and so you run to the toilet and knock over your kid in the hallway and slam the bathroom door shut and wait for that sweet sweet moment when you gloriously defecate all over the bathroom but instead end up straining your asscheeks for an hour only for a tiny ass piece of shit to slightly poke its way out of your asshole. That piece of shit is called a turtle head and know you have to choose to behead your turtle either by straining your asscheeks closed or pulling the piece of shit out with your fingers and now your hand smells of ass and your kid is crying in the hallway and you still have to make dinner and oh fuck why am I still alive
Mom: Jimothy, alight from your dwelling in order to receive nutrition handcrafted by your own mother.
Jimothy, tearfully: Mother, how I wish to fulfill that which you have requested of me! But alas, I am unable to, for I am stuck in the predicament of having to deal with a Turtle Head!
Mother, wailing: Jimothy, my dear beloved son! How I weep for you! How I mourn! That you should have to deal with such an ordeal! I am so deeply sorry, but alas, am unable to help.
by BaddSpelur October 31, 2019

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The holiest of shapes.
The square is the holiest of shapes. I dare not underestimate the square’s mystical and divine power.
by BaddSpelur November 01, 2019

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Someone who does something that contradicts everything they stand for but you can’t hate them for it because honestly it was really badass.
Me: You wanna hang later?
Friend: Naw, I’m hanging out with Kyle.
Me: That guy is such a Communist Superman. Have fun.
by BaddSpelur November 01, 2019

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Everybody has one.
Mom: Gay Uncle Larry is coming over for Spring Break.
Dad, looking at children: Hide them in the basement.
Gay Uncle Larry, pops out of basement: Hide who where? (Proceeds to rape entire family)
by BaddSpelur October 31, 2019

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When it’s raining outside and your shoe is wet, it makes that noise that causes everyone to look at you like you have autism
Fuck. I’m squelching
by BaddSpelur April 16, 2019

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