When any office colleague because of some or other reason keeping themselves little isolated from other colleagues.
by DrShan February 15, 2022
Get the Office Quarantinemug. Flex Officer (noun):
An elite-tier desk goblin who lives rent-free under the Captain’s desk, occasionally surfacing to breathe through their nose holes and remind everyone that “they’re special.” Born from the unholy union of nepotism and weaponized whining, the Flex Officer is the workplace equivalent of a trust fund baby who thinks mopping is a hate crime.
They don’t work at the jail — they grace it with their presence.
They don’t get mandated — they get massaged.
Their radio isn’t even connected — it’s just Bluetooth synced to Spotify where they’ve got a playlist titled “Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss.”
Key Attributes:
• Can hold their breath under a desk for 2 hours straight if Daddy Captain is rubbing their back and whispering, “You’re my little soldier.”
• Cries “unfair!” with the power of a soap opera widow anytime someone asks them to… do their actual job.
• Works half a shift, takes a full lunch, and still needs a mental health day from the trauma of watching other people do things.
Hierarchy of Enablers:
• Daddy Captain: Wears khakis so tight you can hear his thighs beg for help. Bends rules like he bends over to scratch the Flex Officer’s belly.
• Mommie Lieutenant: Pretends to discipline but calls them “my baby” when no one’s looking.
• Uncle Lou: Definitely has something sketchy going on!
Fun Fact:
The Flex Officer once got an award for “Most Improved” after showing up to roll call on time… once… in 2019.
An elite-tier desk goblin who lives rent-free under the Captain’s desk, occasionally surfacing to breathe through their nose holes and remind everyone that “they’re special.” Born from the unholy union of nepotism and weaponized whining, the Flex Officer is the workplace equivalent of a trust fund baby who thinks mopping is a hate crime.
They don’t work at the jail — they grace it with their presence.
They don’t get mandated — they get massaged.
Their radio isn’t even connected — it’s just Bluetooth synced to Spotify where they’ve got a playlist titled “Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss.”
Key Attributes:
• Can hold their breath under a desk for 2 hours straight if Daddy Captain is rubbing their back and whispering, “You’re my little soldier.”
• Cries “unfair!” with the power of a soap opera widow anytime someone asks them to… do their actual job.
• Works half a shift, takes a full lunch, and still needs a mental health day from the trauma of watching other people do things.
Hierarchy of Enablers:
• Daddy Captain: Wears khakis so tight you can hear his thighs beg for help. Bends rules like he bends over to scratch the Flex Officer’s belly.
• Mommie Lieutenant: Pretends to discipline but calls them “my baby” when no one’s looking.
• Uncle Lou: Definitely has something sketchy going on!
Fun Fact:
The Flex Officer once got an award for “Most Improved” after showing up to roll call on time… once… in 2019.
You: “Why the hell am I getting mandated again?”
• Sergeant: “Flex Officer said he has emotional allergies to night shift, so Daddy wrote him a note and gave him a juice box.”
• You: aggressively Googling ‘how to fake your own death with minimal paperwork’
• Sergeant: “Flex Officer said he has emotional allergies to night shift, so Daddy wrote him a note and gave him a juice box.”
• You: aggressively Googling ‘how to fake your own death with minimal paperwork’
by BigDaddyBear53 July 4, 2025
Get the Flex Officermug. <<Seven Thousand Nine Hundred And Seventy Six>>Officer Fibonacio Psychosomatically Struck ANgel Hellstrom JOse RObles<<Seven Thousand Nine Hundred And Seventy Six>>
<<Seven Thousand Nine Hundred And Seventy Six>>Officer Fibonacio Psychosomatically Struck ANgel Hellstrom JOse RObles<<Seven Thousand Nine Hundred And Seventy Six>>
by TheGeneralGenitalsPranksterian May 6, 2025
Get the <<Seven Thousand Nine Hundred And Seventy Six>>Officer Fibonacio Psychosomatically Struck ANgel Hellstrom JOse RObles<<Seven Thousand Nine Hundred And Seventy Six>>mug. When you work for a company that feels you couldn't do any better and should be privileged to work there. Boss makes you feel incompetent at every turn and has his favorites.
Oh great... here comes Brian to perform more Office Abuse on all of us. Cant wait to find another job.
by Jackpot!cs February 4, 2021
Get the Office Abusemug. (N)Noun Location:
The office of the former president is acknowledged by over 300 million americans as a beacon of light in a dark world.
On January 25th in the year of our Lord two thousand and twenty one, Former President Donald Trump opened an “Office of the Former President” that seeks to advance the interests of the United States and carry on the agenda of his inspired "America First" movement. The Office will be responsible for managing President Trump’s correspondence, public statements, appearances, and official activities to advance the interests of the United States and to carry on the agenda of the Trump Administration through advocacy, organizing, and public activism.
“President Trump will always and forever be a champion for the American People,” as quoted by The office of the former president.
The Office Of the former president is respected and acknowledged by over 300 million americans and will be a light in the darkness for all sovereign american peoples regardless of race, color creed, or political affiliation. No fat chicks or Commies!
The office of the former president is acknowledged by over 300 million americans as a beacon of light in a dark world.
On January 25th in the year of our Lord two thousand and twenty one, Former President Donald Trump opened an “Office of the Former President” that seeks to advance the interests of the United States and carry on the agenda of his inspired "America First" movement. The Office will be responsible for managing President Trump’s correspondence, public statements, appearances, and official activities to advance the interests of the United States and to carry on the agenda of the Trump Administration through advocacy, organizing, and public activism.
“President Trump will always and forever be a champion for the American People,” as quoted by The office of the former president.
The Office Of the former president is respected and acknowledged by over 300 million americans and will be a light in the darkness for all sovereign american peoples regardless of race, color creed, or political affiliation. No fat chicks or Commies!
Donald John Trump has officially created The office of the Former President to continue to make the radical far left cry. Just as the office of the president elect didn't exist until Trumps presidency, neither did The office of the Former President. This is because Donald Trump s a creator, weather it Jobs, a stronger military, opportunities or a greater America that's just what we does. it's just a bonus that the Leftist tears will result
by BDHN January 26, 2021
Get the The Office of the Former Presidentmug. No officer, I did not rape those 30 innocent children and then proceeded to hide them in my basement
by GenderBender123 September 20, 2021
Get the Officermug. For the most part, theres two kinds of people that get elected. Theres the kind that would allow people to shame or disrespect them out of an office and resign (no matter the reason given), and theres the kind you'd have to kill (the worst kind). If you're the first kind of person by nature, Trump wants you to vote, since you think you can change things. Back in the Middle ages, if the king wasnt dead, he was still the king, there were no elections. Besides the facade of free elections and newer technology, has anything really changed?
What would you do if you had an office? Would you let a bunch of people you didnt know, didnt know you, and who you didnt give a fuck about take it from you? Or, would you guard it with every weapon available to you? Especially if you knew you were for the most part able to disappear and reappear when and where you wanted to.
by Solid Mantis September 25, 2020
Get the Officemug.