Bed Bug

The scourge of the Earth as far as insects go. The closest thing to a living hell short of a chronic condition or painful disease. A small itchy insect that will cause you to lose sleep to the point where you will verge on the brink of insanity, but after you live with them for a few years you will slowly real yourself back in. Has a strong negative effect on quality of life as a whole, as your work performance will suffer, visitors will find out and never come back or you stop inviting them in the first place (social isolation) and you give up hope for the future as you've gotten rid of almost all your furniture and had your home fumigated several times, but yet, they're still there. If you are allergic (not everyone is) you will NEVER be presentable in public, as you will have red welts on most of the places on your body, such as the back of your arms, the love handle area, around your knees and lower thighs, etc. While sitting idle in your own home, you will rarely ever go two full minutes without itching ever again unless you're moving and active. Without taking some measures to keep their numbers down, you will eventually find that they are traveling in the clothes you're wearing while in public. You'll be checking out some international calling cards at your local Dollar General and look down and see a rust colored bug crawling across your chest. You'll learn to hate them so bad you smoosh them between your fingers whenever you see one.

If I don't get rid of these bed bugs, I may just torch my house and all my possessions and start anew.

by Sifting Through July 23, 2017

weird bed

When you sleep and feel tingley a five year old wrote this ;)

Well how do you feel in a weird bed with weird people

by THE KINDERGANER September 22, 2017

Bed Slap

When you grind on your bed and it hurts when the force of gravity gets strong and pulls you down hard, you get a boner.

Boy: Hey, I just bed slapped my bed and it hurts. I got a boner from it.
Girl: Why did you get the boner?
Boy: Uhhh that’s too much info. Cya!
Girl: Bye!

by Nana my Bananas May 17, 2018

Bed

A device used for recuperating lost stamina invented by Nyl during the Dark Ages

I'm going to destroy you on the bed tonight honey

by Nelnel68 June 12, 2018

Bed

Somewhere where u and ur bae can go

Let’s take this to the bed

by Bsmaknaha June 15, 2018

Bed

Another house for a lazy person

Mom: can you please get me the milk?

Son: no Im in my bed

Mom: why? Is that your new house or sumthin?

Son: yup

by Unknown❓ September 3, 2018

Whore Bed

When a mattress is left unmade without sheets and the owner still sleeps in it.

Is that a whore bed in her picture? Bitch needs some sheets.

by yumbigbabe November 4, 2018