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it's not gay if you're underway 

Homosexual acts are acceptable - indeed, not gay at all - if performed on a naval vessel away from port.
"I licked the Able Seaman's balls while he came on my face, but it's not gay if you're underway, am I right?"

Oh no, I just wound you. Don’t tell me you’re broken. So not fair. I’ve taken extra good care of you and everything. 

A ptsd trigger for those who are very cultured.
"Oh no, I just wound you. Don’t tell me you’re broken. So not fair. I’ve taken extra good care of you and everything..." Jane said
"Never say that again!" James shouted with fear in his eyes.

not as green as you're cabbage looking 

Said upon discovering that an individual is not as unintelligent as initially thought. (Chiefly (NW) British Isles, slang, could be construed as complimentary)
"Eee! I thought you were as thick as two short planks, but it turns out you're not as green as you're cabbage looking"

I'm not crying you're crying 

Some overly clichéd phrase people say to express that they are emotionally touched.
Emotional movie ending: *exist*
Someone: I'm not crying you're crying
Me: *rolls eyes*

There is a global pandemic going on and you’re worried about a banter fest. I’m definitely not going to attend, don’t know about the rest of you, but I care about my life 

The act of roasting physics teachers and messaging the whole sixth form about why attending a banter fest during a global pandemic is an inadvisable thing to do.
Physics teacher: Hey guys I organised a banter fest for you next Monday. It'll be really fun!
Sensible person: There is a global pandemic going on and you’re worried about a banter fest. I’m definitely not going to attend, don’t know about the rest of you, but I care about my life
Physics teacher: Oh I'm sorry I didn't...
Sensible person: There is a global pandemic going on and you’re worried about a banter fest. I’m definitely not going to attend, don’t know about the rest of you, but I care about my life
Physics teacher: *Leaves school to go live in a remote Siberian village*

liquor and not beer unless you're a queer.

Stop drinking that beer you queer. Liquor and not beer unless you're a queer.