I’m not crying, you’re crying 

When something is so heartwarming you cry but you don’t want to admit you’re crying so you tell other people they’re crying to deflect your emotions.

*Posts photo of two puppies cuddling.*

Captions photo - “I’m not crying, you’re crying.”

I’m not crying, you’re crying by Azalee April 29, 2019

it's not gay if you're underway 

Homosexual acts are acceptable - indeed, not gay at all - if performed on a naval vessel away from port.

"I licked the Able Seaman's balls while he came on my face, but it's not gay if you're underway, am I right?"

it's not gay if you're underway by Cpt. Jack Hoff November 3, 2007

Oh no, I just wound you. Don’t tell me you’re broken. So not fair. I’ve taken extra good care of you and everything. 

A ptsd trigger for those who are very cultured.

"Oh no, I just wound you. Don’t tell me you’re broken. So not fair. I’ve taken extra good care of you and everything..." Jane said
"Never say that again!" James shouted with fear in his eyes.

Oh no, I just wound you. Don’t tell me you’re broken. So not fair. I’ve taken extra good care of you and everything. by anonymous January 9, 2021

not as green as you're cabbage looking 

Said upon discovering that an individual is not as unintelligent as initially thought. (Chiefly (NW) British Isles, slang, could be construed as complimentary)

"Eee! I thought you were as thick as two short planks, but it turns out you're not as green as you're cabbage looking"

not as green as you're cabbage looking by splatharri March 29, 2010

I'm not crying you're crying 

Some overly clichéd phrase people say to express that they are emotionally touched.

Emotional movie ending: *exist*
Someone: I'm not crying you're crying
Me: *rolls eyes*

I'm not crying you're crying by Mary Mary Quite The Contrarian August 2, 2021

There is a global pandemic going on and you’re worried about a banter fest. I’m definitely not going to attend, don’t know about the rest of you, but I care about my life 

The act of roasting physics teachers and messaging the whole sixth form about why attending a banter fest during a global pandemic is an inadvisable thing to do.

Physics teacher: Hey guys I organised a banter fest for you next Monday. It'll be really fun!
Sensible person: There is a global pandemic going on and you’re worried about a banter fest. I’m definitely not going to attend, don’t know about the rest of you, but I care about my life
Physics teacher: Oh I'm sorry I didn't...
Sensible person: There is a global pandemic going on and you’re worried about a banter fest. I’m definitely not going to attend, don’t know about the rest of you, but I care about my life
Physics teacher: *Leaves school to go live in a remote Siberian village*

There is a global pandemic going on and you’re worried about a banter fest. I’m definitely not going to attend, don’t know about the rest of you, but I care about my life by discordmyiscord August 13, 2020

liquor and not beer unless you're a queer.

Quote from a King somewhere

Stop drinking that beer you queer. Liquor and not beer unless you're a queer.

liquor and not beer unless you're a queer. by Notaking January 28, 2017