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wanking jacket

A dressing gown, a bath robe. A garment one frequently pleasures oneself in after getting morning glory but before getting dressed.

Also, just as the Victorians would change into a 'smoking jacket' before enjoying a post-prandial cigar, in order that the smell of smoke clinging to their clothes did not later harm their chances of pulling the ladies, some contemporary gentlemen may prefer to change into their wanking jackets before bashing the bishop in order to prevent unsightly jizz stains from having much the same effect.
'I'd just had a particularly erotic dream about donkey punching Mariah Carey, so when I woke up with my usual morning wood, I had to crank one out straight away. However, as it was an unseasonally cold day, I thought I had better put on my wanking jacket first, so as to prevent myself catching a cold.
by Simon Dykes May 31, 2006
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wanking pit

a wanking pit is bed/matress that sags in the middle, smells of man sweat, covered in stains and its secondry use is to be slept on
Ok mate, come round in 30 mins, i'm still in my wanking pit
by mr smith March 8, 2005
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winking brown eye

when cutting a fart, you spread your ass cheeks, and you can see the "o-ring"(sphincter) open and close "wink", when rancid eminations are expelled
While your wife was eating my ass, I farted in her face. I know she was close enough to see my winking brown eye. I hope I did not leave a skid on her tongue.
by Mark 1 October 29, 2005
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grinning like a wanking jap

by eck kes, you're manouvering has got me grinning like a wanking jap - kes
by mad dog February 26, 2004
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Wanking off

1) masturbating
2) Being lazy.
1) Mom was horrified when she caught Jimmy wanking off to internet porn.
2) Would you quit wanking off and get back to work already?
by PapaPalpatine2008 May 15, 2015
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wanking spanners

Hands contored by exsessive masturbation.
Hairy palms and sticky fingers
By 'ek look at the size of those wanking spanners
by Tight Trousers August 10, 2006
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Premeditated Wanking

Engaging in the act of wanking having pre-planned the desired time, location, and length of time in which the act of wanking should occur. Often used by homosexual men who have other, gayer things they could be doing.
"I prefer premeditated wanking over other types of wanking, I need the time to get ready for something so emotionally affectional"
by nubcake October 16, 2006
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