Assmad

An extreme level of butthurt.

That kid is getting assmad about his mom cancelling his Xbox Live account.

by ChairmanMeow___ September 6, 2013

Eyelid Assassin

An Eyelid Assassin is an individual who has an unusual fetish of ejaculting in their companions eye for the night. Typically the Eyelid Assassin approaches his companion, and upon the first hint that sex is in the cards, he will ask his partner if he can tape their eyelids open during sex so he can see the complete ecstasy he is bringing during inter course. Once the assassin is about to orgasm, he pulls his cock out, and instead of shooting his hearty load in the mouth, turns his massive cock towards the eyes and unloads a scorching hot load, which makes them scream in pain due to the heat. Typically the results are a burnt cornea, but in rare cases leads to blindness. While the odds of you encountering this freak are about the same as you encountering a Sasquatch, you have been warned, this sick twisted son of a bitch exists, and if you are asked to tape your eyelids open, think twice.

I had an encounter with the Eyelid Assassin, and every since that day, I suffer from double vision.

by Tee Cee Deez February 20, 2019

Joy Assassin

One who excels at being a killjoy.

A: Wanna hit off my joint?
B: That stuff is bad for you and is illegal... You're just enabling criminals and hurting yourself. Now I have to call the police.
A: You're a master joy assassin, you know that?

A: Ain't life grand?
B: Sure... 'Till you get old, see your family and friends die, your own health fails and it's all over. We leave this world alone.
A: Joy Assassin!

A: Are we having fun yet?
B: When I was seven years old, my priest touched me.
A: Joy Assassin!

A: Look at the cute puppy in the window!
B: Dogs are predators. Given the chance, they would eat those bunnies over there. Is that cute?
A: Joy Assassin!

by youdbesoluckytoknowme October 7, 2009

assmask

Main entry: assmask
Pronunciation: 'as-'mask
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle French masque, from Old Italian maschera; and Middle English, from Old English assa, probably from Old Irish asan, from Latin asinus

2: One who has his/her head so far up up his/her ass, said ass is being worn as a mask

A more asstacular example of an asshat

by disSanFranchised November 18, 2004

assassin mike

used when defining an age of a human being named mike.

Used in : Happy Birthday Assassin Mike

by MelonTheRububler September 29, 2019

velvet assassin

One who dispatches people ruthlessly whilst maintaining a genuinely friendly tone, great charm, and using excellent manners.

Sally in HR was a total velvet assassin when firing workers. They would thank her for letting them go onto new and better things.

by ‪problématique‬ May 27, 2016

Jack of All Asses

A person who has the ability to piss off anyone at any time, and anywhere. Typically, these people are unpleasant to be around due to the sheer amount of ignorance they emit, or lack of caring while being an asshole. They never fail to make someone's day more unpleasant than what it would, or not, have been. Atop of this, they also seem to be capable of this in more than one way and rather effortlessly, hence the name "Jack of All Asses.".

Person 1: "Man, I can't believe how triggered people were at the funeral. All I said was "I'm pretty sure this guy owes me 5 bucks."

Person 2: "Wow, you really are a Jack of All Asses aren't you?"

by Guregori February 24, 2020