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Joe Markey

A specimen who feeds on mostly crickets, assorted leaves and plant matter. This specific specimen is known for sexual cannibalism. He also plays a mean fiddle.
"Chill out bro", said Joe Markey
by Ctrl-Alt-Delete1423 November 27, 2011
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Church Monkey

Someone who is not focused when they should be, very scatter brained when they should be cool calm and collected.

Imagine bringing a monkey to church.
George drove from dealership to dealership like an excited little church monkey, instead of taking time to update his notes.
by NLMRSD September 20, 2013
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upside down monkey sex

One partner hangs upside down from a high place, while the other partner runs around the room and beats their chest while shrieking at the top of their lungs. Once out of breath the hanging partner must fall down on top of the other partner's back and they must wrestle to figure out who is the dominant one.
"Hey fellas, see that girl over there? She is into all kinda of weird stuff, even upside down monkey sex!"
by Yerpidy July 25, 2015
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monkey pooch

A foul-smelling, well-used vagina. Most females possessing a monkey pooch are either lacking the intelligence of the conventional woman or are simply both liars and hussies.
"Kevin, the smell of your girlfriend's monkey pooch could kill a small rodent."

"Kevin! You want to make me feel better than I feel right now?! You want to give me pleasure? Stick your fingers in my monkey pooch!"

"Shit, she had four guys in that monkey pooch of her's."

"Kevin, your monkey pooch - having girlfriend is a liar and a hussy."
by Mattrick McKennedy August 7, 2006
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Fucking Monkey

>n. (pl. Fucking Monkeys)
2 The Nature Conservancy organization revealed to the scientific community in February 8, 2010 that Pan pugus is actually a parasitic mammalian organism that latches on to a desired target. Behavioural analysts of the Nature Conservancy published an article denouncing the species to be a "pest to wildlife, even humans." At maturity, the Fucking Monkey metamorphoses its anatomical structure into a horrendous appearance, and begins looking for a "mate" (prey). If the prey is Homo sapien, the Fucking monkey proceeds to figuratively "latch on" to its target, and siphons time, and capital slowly. The unfortunate victim will not realize malevolent effects until all his or her time and capital have been siphoned away. Pan pugnus will then "break up", or latch off from its victim. Finished prey will be nothing but a shell, and may be emotionally unstable, until companions console him or her.
Me - "That Fucking Monkey is so ugly..."

You - "It's because it metamorphosed."

Me - *vomit*
by GorlamiMargarettiDominic February 9, 2010
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retard monkey

When a male (or women with a strap on) shove his/her dick into there own ass and likes there boob and runs around town
Jim: I saw john run around retard monkey-ing he was doing it all wrong
Tim:oh how so?
Jim: He wasn't licking his nipple
by Ass definition October 2, 2011
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Brazilian Monkey Twist

The act of masturbating ones self with their feet.
Being a contortionist can really be helpful when i give myself a Brazilian Monkey Twist.
by Mr Dude Beans March 1, 2015
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