Tool Army

A fan club for the band "Tool". The Tool Army is a hilarious money making scheme, which the "Tools" don't understand. These individuals walk around in shirts that say "Tool" in large letters, failing to understand Maynard's love/hate affair with consumer culture.

The Tool Army costs 30$ or more and the buyer gets "keychains and certificates" and still gets mad when they take a long time to come in the mail.

Tool is an amazing band. It has retarded fans.

"hey man, I joined the tool army!" - Idiot 1

"Haha, you Tool. You probably actually like Puscifer too, don't you?" - Me, Smart guy.

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, even Maynard says it is shit and for people who don't think. Enjoy."

by BenZe November 12, 2012

tool kit

A super-idiot. Whereas a normal idiot is a tool, a complete idiot is the entire tool kit.

Remember that geek from university? He was a complete tool kit.

by Ian Chode August 12, 2004

Tool Time

When one has an urge to pleasure oneself through the means of manual stimulation i.e. wanking.

"Aw yas, the burd's oot the hoose and ma internet's working again...it's tool time!" "Here, a cannay wait till that film wae the Olsen twins are on tonight - tool time!"

by Chisel June 14, 2008

Tool Jacker

Can be one who doesnt have sex with any but their self, Or can be used in the same way as the term tool.

"Danny thinks that stupid slut is his girlfriend " yeah she has sex with everone except him, all she does is take is money what a tooljacker" "Ted is 40 and still live at home with is parents he is such a fucking tool jacker"

by Delmas March 10, 2008

Tool Commandments

The beliefs of Toolism.
I- Females are the master sex.
II- Blind-loyalty to all females.
III- Offerings must be made to females lately.
IV- Study guides WILL be given during all tests or quizzes to females.
V- iPhone will given to females at least 3 hours daily.
VI- All who disagree will be called ridiculous/immature and be punished.
VII- All who rebel will be expelled from the Tool Shed.
VIII- nonbelievers must be converted and a female friend will be rewarded for
one hour minimum.
IX- You shall not cover your neighbor's tool.
X- You shall not use the name of the lord your owner in vain.
All people who follow these commandments will be awarded the golden screwdriver of
the year award.

If I follow the Tool Commandments girls may like me and be my friend.

by The Tool Master March 27, 2009

Tool fan

Avid listeners of the alternative metal band known as Tool. Tool fans believe that, by listening to music with no concept of time signatures and pseudo-cryptic lyrics sang by a man known as Maynard Ivory James Keenan Wayans, it puts them on a higher intellectual and musical plateau than fans of non-"prog" bands. You can pick a Tool fan out of a crowd easily, by looking for a college student who speaks of issues which he has little to no understanding of, rants about conspiracy theories, is a half-hearted activist and constantly reeks of bong water. A Tool fan, as a rule, will never look presentable, wearing yesterday's hoodie and a baseball cap over his unwashed and shaggy hair.

You know Jeff? That annoying kid who shows up 30 minutes late to class every day with serious redeye and voices his stance on everything from abortion to extraterrestrialism without being asked? I hear he's a big Tool fan. Figures.

by Chernorizets Hrabr August 28, 2006

tool company

The next level of being a tool. More than being a power tool, tool shed, tool box, and any other kinds of tool you can think of.

Andrew is a power tool.
Not as much as Patrick who is being a tool company.

by alex bowdine February 8, 2009