HAM COMA!

A hypothetical, slightly facetious, explanation for what happens when a potential significant other, usually male, suddenly cuts off all ties of communication for no apparent reason.

Rachael: "Man! Louis was all lovey-dovey on Thursday, but he hasn't answered any of my texts all weekend! What's his deal, ya think?!"

Kate: "Well, he probably ate some ham after work and passed out in a massive HAM COMA! You just can't function when you get one of those puppies!

by Flanarama-ding-dong January 10, 2009

ham spanked

A surprise attack on a person male or female performing oral sex. When the subject is not aware the penis is pulled from the mouth and spanked around the eye socket area. It must make an audible "spank" sound to count as an official ham spank

Dude..Her cell went off when she was blowing me, I totally "Ham Spanked" her for looking at it.
mushroom stamp donkey punch mushroom punch

by mtqueen November 26, 2010

ham doctor

Future slang for a really, really, shockingly nasty sex act.

"Dude, if she'll let you be the ham doctor, marry her!"

by refriedwhiskey July 22, 2009

Ham Sandwhich

When you are having sex with an old lady, take her flabby vagina lips and stick them between her butt cheeks, and make her clinch her butt cheeks so the vagina lips stick out in between then jerk off into the middle of it, and take a bite.

One day matt was feeling quite hungry and wanted a Ham Sandwhich. Later on an idea poped into his head. Soon there after he went to a retirement home. He met up with an elderly lady by the name of Thelma. Knowing back in the day that she use to be quite the piece of meat, he soon pitched his idea. He made her take off her pants and pull down her diaper and stretch her flabby vagina lips between her butt cheeks and clinch her butt cheeks down on to her vagina lips. Not long after, he whiped out his sad excuse for a penis, and jerked off with what little sperm he could onto the vagina lips. After that still being quite hungry he took a nice bite out of it, solving his empty stomach.

by Crusty Jizz September 22, 2008

ham sandwich

Whens a someone puts an ass right on you face

thanks you fugger I no likes ham sandwich

by Cangh Jui May 15, 2003

ham sandwich

The cause of death or potential murder instrument for someone who is weight challenged. As opposed to pretzel, which is the choice of presidential assassins.

Austin Powers: Mama Cass... Dead... Ham Sandwich.

by John Costanzo September 21, 2005

Ham blanket

Masturbation technique akin to a boob job where the booty is used to bring a male to climax.

I didn't know if I'd like it or not, but that ham blanket she gave me was amazing.

by Anonnnnnomous January 22, 2009