Go for the lose and get cranky ya old goonbag! 

Thinking you're cleaver makes you clever, but say it makes you even more clever and and and..... Bragging about yourself is just farting in a wine glass and smelling it. But I guess you just think it's clever....?

Go for the lose and get cranky ya old goonbag!

Go for the lose and get cranky ya old goonbag! by Cracker_in....the_distance! October 22, 2023

I'll snuggle you when you get back 

What you tell your sweetie as a "bribe" for his groaningly getting out of da warm comfy bed to perform some trivial task for you.

Hot chick: Honey, did you plug in my cell-phone charger before we went to bed?
Weary dude: Ummmm --- I don't recall.
Hot chick: Well, could you possibly go and check?
Weary dude: Ohhhhhhh... honeeeyyyyy... do I really haaaaaaave to?!?? I'm dead-tired, and I just now FINALLY got comfortable and warmed up!
Hot chick (apologetically): I know, darling, and I am so sorry to ask you --- how 'bout this --- I'll snuggle you when you get back, so that you'll get warmed up again quicker.
Weary dude: Uhhhhh... oh, all RIGHT, Sugar-Plum --- since you put it THAT way. You really know the magic words to bribe me, don't you?

I'll snuggle you when you get back by QuacksO December 10, 2023

Your shitty makeup is gonna get me fired 

If you work as a cashier in a store that sells age restricted items such as alcohol you may get underage girls coming into the store with tonnes of makeup on to make themselves look older. This can result in you not asking them for ID because you think they look old enough to not need it but you end up getting fired anyway because they are actually underage.

For the guys, it is "your shitty beard is gonna get me fired."

Underage girl: *Places bottle of wine on counter*
Cashier: ID please
Underage girl: But I'm 30!
Cashier: Nope, your shitty makeup is gonna get me fired!

Your shitty makeup is gonna get me fired by LordJenal December 17, 2023

How in the fuck did I get home just now? 

I'm walking home from work just now, and I walk out the door... Step down the hill onto the side walk... And I zone out COMPLETELY. I don't remember walking across the intersection... I don't remember crossing the train tracks... I don't remember turning the corner... I look up and I can already see my apartment.

Hym "How in the fuck did I get home just now? I can usually recall walking past some of the milestones I use to, like, keep track of my progress but this time... What the fuck happened just there? I just skipped like 80% of my walk. I... Are you trying to kill me? I lost like a full 30 minutes just there. I mean, it was 730 when I started writing this... I pooped and showered... Rubbed one out... The walk home only takes 10 minutes... I'm missing like 30 minutes. What the fuck is happening there? Randy didn't show up today... So THAT was weird... What the fuck is happening there? I mean AS SOON as I stepped on the sidewalk it's like I skipped the next 8 minutes forward in time... And then I'm still missing 22 minutes... Hmmm... Are YOU doing that? Time is all fucked today."

How in the fuck did I get home just now? by Hym Iam March 9, 2025

Killed To Rest Because I Hope You Get Killed 

Killed To Rest Because I Hope You Get Killed

Killed To Rest Because I Hope You Get Killed

Killed To Rest Because I Hope You Get Killed by Angel234IsTheDarkSeraphim March 25, 2025

I Wisped Throughout Time So Get Out Of My Life, You Spaced Out Dick Sucker

I Wisped Throughout Time So Get Out Of My Life, You Spaced Out Dick Sucker

I Wisped Throughout Time So Get Out Of My Life, You Spaced Out Dick Sucker

I Wisped Throughout Time So Get Out Of My Life, You Spaced Out Dick Sucker by HernandezToRodriguezScapeGoat April 6, 2025

<.7.9.7.6.>Trying To Get Me In Trouble Is The Definition Of Philosophy<.7.9.7.6.> 

<.7.9.7.6.>Trying TO Get Me In Trouble Is THe definition Of Philosophy<.7.9.7.6.>

<.7.9.7.6.>Trying To Get Me In Trouble Is The Definition Of Philosophy<.7.9.7.6.>

<.7.9.7.6.>Trying To Get Me In Trouble Is The Definition Of Philosophy<.7.9.7.6.> by 03430AmazinguComplete7976 May 4, 2025