Landing Pad

A layer of toilet paper (usually somewhere between 3 and 8 pieces) laid down on the surface of water within the toilet bowl before one has a bowel movement. This layer of toilet paper, or ‘landing pad’, serves a 3-fold purpose: (1) To prevent the dreaded splashback effect caused by the fecal displacement of water; (2) To soften the “KER-PLUNK!” sound that often occurs when feces breaks the surface tension of the water (this is particularly effective because the toilet paper disables the properties of water’s surface tension by acting as a semi-permeable membrane, a sort of dampening medium between water and air; further, the speed of the displacement of the water is lessened, which makes for a much softer noise); and (3) To bring about an awareness of the TP supply before use, negating any chance that one might have a bowel movement, only to look over and notice that there is no toilet paper.

Johnny: "Dude, I went to meet my girlfriend's parents for the first time last night. Halfway through the night I realised that I needed to take a massive dump, which was uncomfortable because the bathroom was next to the living room where they were sitting, and the house was dead quiet"

Billy: "No way, man... what did you do?"

Johnny: "I built a wicked landing pad, so not only did they not hear me, but I was also able to stay as dry as a cracker for the whole experience. What a night it was!"

by JPaps January 8, 2011

Pube Pad

The patch of skin above you genitals from which pubic hair protrudes.

Corey: "Dude, I just threw this apple at your nuts and you didn't even flinch!"

Lindsay: "Dude that's messed up!"

Chris: "Meh I got lucky. You just got my pube pad"

by bigredc January 16, 2013

Pad Hands

A serious condition in which drummers who drum exclusively on a gum-rubber pad or any other type of drum pad (i.e. HQ ReelFeel) cannot execute what they can play on a pad correctly onto an actual drum. Causes major embarassment when you want to show off to your friends what you can play on your drum pad, but can't play it on an instrument.

Derek: Johnny's been playing flam 5's on his ReelFeel pad but when I told him to play it on my marching snare, he failed miserably.

Jim: Sounds like Johnny's got a bad case of pad hands.

Johnny: Fuc* you guys

by SDdrummer2012 December 27, 2011

resume padding

A requirement to obtain admission to most top universities at both the undergraduate and graduate level. Involves spinning remedial job responsibilities as key managerial roles, single-day volunteer experiences as transformational accomplishments, and web sites created in 10 hours or less as ingenious entrepreneurial ventures. Known to induce gag reflexes amongst millenials, and hard-ons amongst baby boomers.

Percy Buckington graduated with a 2.5 GPA and had never actually worked a day in his life. But with proper resume padding, he was able to convince the committee that his trip to the most luxurious resort in Nigeria was a major humanitarian venture, and he had the web site to prove it. He was thus able to gain acceptance to almost every top MBA program.

by Cheice December 9, 2011

Mashing the pad

Mashing the pad is pushing all of the buttons on an apartment door bell pannel to get buzzed in.

Bob forgot Sue's apartment number so he ended up mashing the pad to get buzzed in.

by Dog-in-the-boxx November 15, 2009

Pad Brat

British Army slang for the child of a married soldier.

Tracy was a pad brat.

by Whale Omlette January 5, 2011

swamp pad

It is placed, usually toilet paper, in between your buttocks to prevent sharting as a result of sneezing, coughing or farting with more than the intended purpose.

Dude good thing I had a swamp pad because I coughed real hard and sharted!

by goldensurfer January 2, 2011