expired facial

when you wipe your face in a used cumin rag

i don’t wanna give my sun Jonny an expired facial when he sleeps in daddy’s bed

by double novo dong April 28, 2021

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Get the expired facialmug.

Creep Creeping Past Expiration

Definition:
A broke, balding, middle-aged man with a superiority complex and zero self-awareness. He’s got a wife he resents, kids he ignores, bills he doesn’t pay — and yet somehow believes 22-year-olds are waiting to DM him first. Lives off others but calls himself "misunderstood." Sends horny texts like he’s auditioning for a sex cult no one asked for. Thinks being horny = having value.

Signature Behaviors:

Slides into DMs with “hey beautiful 😏” like it’s still 2006

Claims to be “deep” while emotionally abusing everyone around him

Uses his wife's EBT card to buy Red Bulls

Gets mad when women don’t flirt back

Believes showering is optional but sex is a right

Known Aliases:
Fernando, Lonnie, Lon, Alfredo, Alfonso, Matt, Alan, Aaron, Reggie
(If he has two Facebook accounts, run.)

Symptoms Include:

Thinking his penis still has a fan base

Calling himself “real” while gaslighting you

Bragging about sex he’s not having

Fearing accountability more than jail

How to Treat:
Block, delete, heal. Then write about it so others don’t fall for it.

“He’s not just a deadbeat — he’s a Creep Creeping Past Expiration.”
“He’s a creep creeping past expiration — too old to be doing this, too pathetic to stop.”
“Creep creeping past expiration — like spoiled milk that thinks it’s still got charm.”
“He’s not aging gracefully — he’s creep-creeping past expiration like an old sandwich someone forgot in the sun.”

by Roxx Farron June 6, 2025

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