Pre-Emptive Deep-Sea Diving

Pre-Emptive Deep-Sea Diving is when, after taking an enormous shit, you pre-emptively stick your hand down in the toilet water and break up the gigantic turd BEFORE you flush, therefore avoiding an embarrasing overflow situation. Suffice to say, some prepartion is necessary. (If the situation around Uranus requires you to wipe immediately, just "stage" the used toilet paper (TP) on the edge of the bowl and flush them AFTER the crisis has resolved itself. Otherwise, wipe later. 1) Wad up a bunch of TP ahead of time, to be used to clean off your shit-stained finger tips after you've done the deed. 2) Pull your pants half-way up, just in case there is a flood. 3) DIVE!, DIVE!, DIVE! Stick that hand right down in there and start breaking that turd up. Don't be afraid to overdo it. 4) DON'T WIPE YOUR FINGERS OFF YET! Use your clean hand to flush, then quickly cross your fingers for good luck. 5) If all goes well, you've successfully dropped the Cosby Kids off at the pool. Congratulations! If it didn't work, skip Step 6 and proceed immediately to Step 7. 6) Use your pre-saved wad of TP to clean your fingers off, then drop the used TP in the bowl. Proceed to wipe your butt (or if you've pre-wiped, tap in the used TP) and drop the TP in the (now) nearly empty bowl. Whew! 7) If the poop break up did not work (or you were too pussy to do it!), quickly hobble out of the stall to the next stall and finish your paperwork there. Act innocent.

Ollie: Well, Stan, that was a delightful and quite filling meal. Now, if you'll just excuse me for a moment.

Stan: Don't forget about Pre-Emptive Deep-Sea Diving! (smiles sheepishly and scratches top of head).

Ollie: Indeed.

by The Sage Advice Man August 12, 2012

psych ward employee

Me. I am psych ward employee. I kick ass. :D Also, my insults, though assumed, are not gay...in fact, they sound pretty much like everyone else's.

I found psycho bitch when she was sexy kinky girl fighting with Gumba Gumba (yep Kyle, she didn't know of lunar shadows yet...you've been proven wrong, haha), I found her when she was mocha fighting with lunar shadows, and I will soon find her yet again. I know you're out that, crazy girl.

by Psych Ward Employee January 27, 2005

emporio

female piggy

The one that "knorz"

by Anonymous April 6, 2003

Empty Barrel

An asshat libtard; an attention seeking loser searching for 15 minutes of fame by playing the victim of racism after making a total ass of themselves with an agenda that backfires. Ex: Frederica Wilson, Maxine Waters.

Frederica Wilson was outed on national TV by General John Kelly as an "empty barrel" after she went full retard .

by Zeke Stardust October 22, 2017

empty fortune cookie

used as a descriptor
Adj;
1) impotent
2) a failure at life

You still haven't contributed to society? You are one empty fortune cookie.

Your husband must be an empty fortune cookie if you still aren't pregnant.

by Manfred Big January 12, 2011

empty nut sack

A pathetic person with no balls.

My boss is an empty nut sack. He can not stand up or defend for any of his employees to his boss.

by Nucleusone December 1, 2013

empty my ballast tank

When said by a woman, to urinate.

I'm gonna go empty my ballast tank.

by K. Isaacson April 21, 2007