basturbation

basturbation n. When a bastard masturbates.

He's a bastard, so he has to do basturbation.

by snarkyken August 20, 2008

Critical Masturbation

1. What happens when you get two or more bicycle enthusiasts in a room. Typical topics of conversation include: How much their bikes/components/spandex bodysuits cost; How cyclists get no respect from motor vehicles, which they totally deserve and ought to fight for, even though the usual rules of the road--like stoplights, crosswalks, and one-way streets--obviously don't apply to bicycles; and What brand of toe clip/leg wax/douchenozzle is appropriate for race day?

2. The world's largest monthly circlejerk.

CABBIE: Sorry sir, it looks like we have a delay.
PASSENGER: Can't we go around?
CABBIE: Nope, they got the whole road shut down. Looks like some kind of douche pride parade.
PASSENGER: Oh, it's that time of the month: Critical Masturbation.

by Harry Bergdorf May 3, 2010

mental masturbation

v. the act of masturbating with and only with your mind, totally not sexy

Oh man, performed some mental masturbation last night releasing mind bullets on my couch

by MattyN February 11, 2006

mental masturbation

To perform some activity, typically IT related, where performing the activity gives the performer near sexual pleasure while doing it, yet nothing of any value or lasting value is produced. Mental masturbation is reasonably acceptable in the privacy of the performer's home, where their time is free (in money terms), but not on their employer's time. Mental masturbation can be the cause and reason for overly complicated and hard to understand IT solutions being implemented in one company, despite simpler, more commonly understood and tried and tested solutions to the same problem being used at a number of other companies in the same industry.

To workmate, on Monday morning, "Guess what I did over the weekend! I rewrote Linux in FORTAN! Cool huh! Next weekend I'm going to rewrite it in COBOL!"
Workmate, unimpressed, "That sounds like mental masturbation to me."

by Shylock Merchant September 22, 2008

Female Masturbation

A myth known among men.

Jake: Gee whiz! I hope Santa Claus comes tonight!
Andrew: Shut the fuck up. You know that he's as real as a female masturbating.
Jake: But female masturbation is a myth
Andrew: Exactly.

by Narfaloila March 9, 2018

Brain masturbation

the feeling your brain gets after getting in the frog position, and breathing in and out very deeply for 20 seconds, then standing up very quick and blowing on your thumb very hard.

yo my friend matt just did brain masturbation!

by Braves202 October 9, 2009

masturbation

What nerds are known for

While everyone is out having sex, I'm sitting at home practicing chronic masturbation to my character's gear on World of Warcraft

by Lord Razzola April 8, 2008