Monkey in a headlock

Hairy bush

Theresa yelled across the showroom saying, “Haeeey Mark!.” (She was seated at a desk in a skirt with no undergarment)... Mark gazes over but before he can make eye contact, his eyes peer up from the floor but are caught looking her beaver dead in the face, and said “H h heyyy Theresa” (Marks mind was stained forever) ...fast-forward two days..(Mark is in the warehouse talkin’ shop with tha boys) He says to the group, “man I was grabbing some button caps and Theresa calls my name and dammit if I didn’t see her monkey in a headlock!” (Store manager overheard and rather than addressing the matter he instead nailed some plywood to the back of her desk.) conclusion~Monkey sedated; monkey caged.

by Circumcised tortoise December 29, 2018

monkey drums

Bass boosted songs done using computer technology or loud subwoofers used while playing a song.

The dand ole 21 Savage producers overuse monkey drums.

by Portuguese clown December 30, 2018

monkey

a primate, an animal

they do have a tail
not to be confused with ape, which most people call apes of monkeys or vice-versa

example 1: monkeys are such peculiar animals

example 2: curious george isn't a monkey, he is an ape

example 3: he's not a monkey, he's an ape!

example 4: what is the name of aladdin's monkey again? oh nevermind

by stupid gamer January 14, 2019

monkey gangbang

12 Black people walk in a bar. 5 minutes later they have gone full ape shit on the bar tender. then after raping the bartender they used his head to sodomize them selfs.

requis meet ta the gay bar in for an epic monkey gangbang downtown. remember no lube

by fecklord January 15, 2019

Coffee Monkey

A man who doesn’t drink coffee, but will bring his girlfriend coffee because she has cknvinced him that it’s foreplay. He will allow her to take photos of the delivery for her Instagram and to create a hashtag (#coffeemonkey) to display his prowess.

The coffee monkey brought me coffee this morning. I guess I’ll have sex with him...next week.

by Ms. Coffee January 17, 2019

choking your monkey

Middle school slang for masturbation that is used around teachers so they can't tell what is going on.

Person 1: Yo, Chris, you really need to stop *looks around the room* choking your monkey.
Teacher: Get back to your work or I'll put you in the time out corner!

by Pieman1123 June 12, 2018

ass monkeys

when you're surprised

'holy ass monkeys you scared me!!!'

by Seniorchineseman June 15, 2018