Skip to main content

Catholic Mom

Things You Should Never Say To a Catholic Mom:

1. I'm sure your son will want to play with my Catholic toys.

Why it's offensive: Because your own little boy may never be Catholic, so you wouldn't understand. You don't know our secret, so don't even attempt to claim that you know our boys' favorite toys!

2. My kid is becoming more Catholic every day!

Why it's offensive: My child is not "becoming Catholic." Only Mother Theresa or Mother Teresa could speak to my child on a personal level.

3. Would you like to see the priest today?

Why it's offensive: Why would I want to see a priest? My Catholic faith is personal, and my son is not ready to go around asking people to make promises they can't keep. He is more concerned with driving cars, playing with animals, or his chicken.

4. My daughter is becoming more Catholic every day!

Why it's offensive: Because she is not. She is just my daughter. It is highly offensive to suggest that she is "becoming Catholic" because you don't know our secret.

5. My child does not understand Catholic prayers.

Why it's offensive: Do you understand what the F-word means? Do you know how to use a bedpan? Do you speak to your toddler like that?
6. I don't know why people are so judgmental.

Why it's offensive: Because you've never heard me getting on the phone with the delivery guy at Dominick's for 10 minutes because our cat didn't get her salad order right. It's called Motherhood, folks!

7. My son's Catholic school is making him go to mass.

Why it's offensive: Because your son's Catholic school is making you get him out of bed in the morning, make him go to mass, force him to participate in the sacraments, and make him listen to anything other than rap or country music for four hours.

8. I can't believe you'd let your kid go to that Catholic school!

Why it's offensive: You're not going to stop your child from going to public school, so why are you so concerned with mine?

9. My child is coming home with art projects. You know, the kind of stuff a nun wouldn't appreciate.

Why it's offensive: Because you're assuming that all art projects made by little boys are rough, violent, and inappropriately sexual. You know nothing about art, you fruitcake.

10. I'm not Catholic, so I don't need to send my child to Catholic school.

Why it's offensive: You're not Catholic, either! So how dare you criticize my choices? Who do you think you are?

You Might Also Like:

(This article was originally published at Catholic Mom.)
by Drapen November 19, 2022
mugGet the Catholic Mom mug.

St Simon Stock Catholic School

I got sexually assaulted and harassed by the homophobic kids in my year and the school did nothing about it because i'm not a woman therefore "its just a joke"
oh and the teachers take sides very easily without knowing full context (I was quite literally being called slurs so I made a "i fucked your dad" joke and I got told off for it)
Friend 1: Why do you go to St Simon Stock Catholic School?
Friend 2: You think I willing choose to go to that shithole?
by SnodlandDominoes May 13, 2022
mugGet the St Simon Stock Catholic School mug.

Catholic School

Hell on Earth and no one cares about religion class and most the kids there are every religion but catholic and you have to pay to breathe the very air within the school and you have no basic human rights and if you're bad at sports or dont look good then you get bullied and the people there probably sleep around and do drugs while freshman get shoved in lockers and everyone fucks upperclassman girls and it will drive you so mad you end up in a straight jacket and the only reason the teachers are there is so they can have summer off.
Jimothy: Dude I hear she goes to a Catholic School

Samothy: I pray for her soul...NOT lol
by Piggle the great October 5, 2022
mugGet the Catholic School mug.

catholic babes

lengerz in which are catholic
dayum thats one catholic babes
by Drewboodidjfudnfjg October 13, 2022
mugGet the catholic babes mug.

Catholic Suicide

Catholic Suicide- When an individual lives a long life, he get's the dream, he get's the beautiful partner, has the beautiful family. Except he's never asked himself what he want and what it means to be happy for him, so he Kurt Cobain's himself.
Bill: He was a lovely man, but even he couldn't avoid a catholic suicide.
by PostedNotesOnWalls January 5, 2022
mugGet the Catholic Suicide mug.

Catholic for Convenience

Can apply to two related groups.

1. Parent of a child who needs to get said child into a Catholic School. This parent and or parents haven't been to mass in at least a decade, Christmas doesn't count. They definitely have no interest in their child being indoctrinated by the clergy but need a good school for their child. Most common in the Republic of Ireland as 90% of the schools are controlled by the Vatican and you aren't getting your child enrolled with a Baptismal Cert. Can also apply to parents within the feeder area for a good Catholic school anywhere on earth.

2. A child that has been baptised to have the paperwork to get into a Catholic School. Has only been in a Roman Catholic Church once and that was for the Baptism.
Brian: "There goes Maeve Brannigan, she was only baptised last week, first time I've ever seen her in a church. 4 years old is late for baptism!

Anne:" Her parents couldn't get into St. Patrick of the Immaculate Conception without the Baptismal Cert. They've joined the 'Catholic for Convenience' Club, we'll see them in mass next at Maeve's First Communion. Can't say I blame them! It was an administrative decision!
by Catholic For Convenience Dad December 18, 2021
mugGet the Catholic for Convenience mug.

fish fry catholic

Raised Catholic, doesn’t really go to church anymore, decent person, but loves getting trashed in line at a grade school to smash some fish.
Man, Jason is just a fish fry catholic. I never see him at church anymore.
by Tysonchicken86 April 1, 2022
mugGet the fish fry catholic mug.

Share this definition

Sign in to vote

We'll email you a link to sign in instantly.

Or

Check your email

We sent a link to

Open your email