no offense

A pre-statement that allows for any possible offensive or derogatory remark you are about to declare. As long as the offensive remark has this pre-statement in front, it is assumed that the declarer is not to be held accountable for the repercussions of the statement to follow. If this is declared post-statement, the safety net is somewhat removed, the statement loses some girth, and the speaker can be held accountable to the spoken words.

Example 1 Pre-statement:

John: "No offense Betty, but you are the worst employee in this entire company and no one enjoys your presence. Also, I do not find you physically attractive and I think you are a bitch."

Steve: "Dude, how can you be so harsh!?"

Betty: "Don't be such a prude Steve, he said no offense first; it's cool bro."

Example 2 Post-statement:

Mike: "Wow Cindy, I cannot believe you slept with everyone on the 3rd floor, you are such a slut; no offense."

Cindy: "OMG."

Tim: "Mike - you're fired."

by Joey Fizzle May 4, 2016

No offense

A warning that someone's about to offend the shit out of you

No offense but your face disgusts me

by Mr fathom July 9, 2018

Kermitable Offense

A phrase used between two autistic people to describe when one of them, does something that it blatantly autistic. Can also be referred to as a "Kermit." Things that can be described as a "Kermitable Offense" are dislike of bright lights, flashing lights, sudden loud noises, dislike of textures of food, a dislike of sensations like being wet, slimy, or itchy, or an obsessive knowledge of one very oddly specific topic (ie trains, robots, monsters, anime, etc.)

Origins are from the image of Kermit the Frog and Pepe the Shrimp with the caption: "I'm gonna be real with you chief, you might be autistic."

Person 1: "Hey did you know that there is no exact canonical description of what the map of the Island of Sodor looks like? And that it's different in many continuities?"

Person 2: "Alright, but knowing that is a Kermitable Offense."

by Lucky Once August 21, 2022

Charles Offdensen

Charles Offdensen is a gay twink twink twink twink twink twink twink twink twink twink twink twink twink twink twink twink twink twink

Damn, my mate Cal really likes this guy Charles Offdensen!

by NotHalByAnyChance February 2, 2023

Third-partiable offense

Noun: a crime(specifically a fight) that which is punished under Ireesh Law through a third party in Apex Legends.

Diamond Team 1: *pokes at Diamond Team 2*
Diamond Team 2: *griefs and pushes them in a terrible way*
Ireesh: Guys this is a third-partiable offense

by lfg(xedoth's home) May 20, 2022

capital offense

1. Literally, a crime punishable by death.

2. Exaggerated description of the seriousness of an act, or someone's reaction to it.

You'd think I committed a capital offense when I forgot to call.

by Downstrike September 26, 2004

Unfriendable Offense

An offensive act perpetrated by a social networking site "friend" that results in permanently unfriending the individual.

Unfriendable Offenses can include, but are not limited to:

1. Excessive postings about children
2. Excessive postings about health and children's health
3. Postings about every, ever-loving thing that you do
4. Unwarranted sexy talk via chat from a former classmate who is currently married with three children

Rod committed the worst of all unfriendable offenses; I asked him about his wife and kids and he told me what he was doing to his penis.

by tampa_girl_33611 April 28, 2010