masturbatory accoutrements

A pretentious expression used to describe one's personal collection of items used to enhance masturbation. (Dirty magazines, dildoes, lubricant etc.)

A way of describing an unenthusiastic sexual partner.
Also can be used to describe how one felt during sexual relations with an untalented or selfish partner.

Once I've retrieved my collection of masturbatory accoutrements, I shall commence with the jerking of my jizzer.

We were sleeping together, but she always just laid there. She was more like a masturbatory accoutrement than a fuck buddy.

All he wanted to do was get off and then leave. For all the pleasure I got out of it, I felt more like a masturbatory accoutrement than someone who'd just gotten laid.

by dumbslut August 10, 2006

Masterbaterium

A room build or allocated for the sole purpose of spanking yer love hose, wanking in general or having a wankparty. Usually painted an off yellow colour and containing a sink and towels.

I will be back in a moment Im just going to polish my bishop in the Masterbaterium. Good boy, make sure you use the wanklock on the door.

by DrLoveNuts July 25, 2007

Masturbate

Something done to one's body to relieve horniness. When a woman's pussy becomes wet, she will massage her clitoris and other surrounding pubic areas. Also, she may slide a finger/fingers/toy/small object into her pussy to imitate a penis. Men's dicks will become hard when they are horny, so they resort to rubbing their penis up and down causing stimulating friction. These physical interactions are also sometimes accompanied by audio or visual stimulation.

I came home feeling really horny after reading definition #7 of Horny on Urban Dictionary. I went into my bathroom and grabbed my tube of lube and a Q-tip. I carried these things into my room where I slid off my skirt and panties and flopped onto my bed with a sigh. I spread my thighs open and coated the Q-tip with lube. I then started gently rubbing around my clit with the Q-tip. I shuddered and smiled. As I rubbed, I got closer and closer to my clit and started moaning. Then i reached my hand up my blouse and started rubbing and grabbing my nipples. I continued to grope my boobs as I got even closer to my clit. Then, I hit it. I shuddered and squealed with delight. I rubbed diagonally across my clit which drove me nuts. Then I threw down the Q-tip and dug my fingers toward my clit. I started massaging it with one finger, then two, then my whole hand. I arched my back and screamed with pleasure. Then, I slipped my middle finger into my pussy, while still massaging my clit. I pulled it in and out. Then I hit my g-spot. I cummed everywhere. I got up, still rubbing my clit, and got my vibrator, then sprawled back onto the bed. 10 minutes later, I was asleep with my fingers on my clitoris and my vibrator in my pussy. I love to masturbate.

by SomeRandomUDUser July 18, 2016

Macturbater

One who buys and promotes the use of Apple products on the grounds that they are "the best computers in the world" but is largely ignorant about computer tech and other industry facts.

A full-fledged macturbater owns and operates the latest and greatest Apple products. They may brag about their "16GB of RAM and Retina Display" when they typically only use those features to watch porn and/or Instagram pictures of their cats with the hashtag #iphoneonly.

Stefan purchased the latest Macbook Pro and won't shut up about how great 16GB of RAM is. He uses it to photoshop photos and maybe occasionally develop CSS. I can do all that with my 5 year old Dell running Windows XP. He's such a Macturbater.

by legittalon July 1, 2012

chronic masturbator

A man who simply has a thing against carrying a loaded weapon around all the time.

Mother: *knocks on door* Billy, what are you doing in there?
Billy: uhhh... NOTHING.
Mother: Dammit Billy, you're a chronic masturbator just like your father.

by sir gibsalot December 9, 2008

Masturbator's Remorse

verb: Refers to the feeling of remorse felt after completion of masturbation.

Does not have to be limited to the feelings of disgust after realising what you just jerked off to.

Masturbator's Remorse also refers to feelings of sadness related to not looking at a different type of porn, not coming to a good enough stimulus, not getting through enough porn and coming to soon, feelings of loneliness and deep depression etc.

Gavin just game after two and a half minutes of shemale porn, and now he is feeling Masturbator's Remorse for not at least look up some hentai.

by NicCaged November 6, 2013

cry masturbate

this is a term used when you are so sad that you are brought to tears, and you use those delicate tears as lubrication and give yourself a run around the town. It's sad, pathetic, and often done after you break up with your significant other but aren't fortunate enough to have breakup sex.

Ted and I are over, so I'm gonna go cry masturbate

by whaijorgeh November 12, 2013