When your parents explain to you what cancer is

We all remember that day when we learned what cancer was, but my parents in particular did excruciatingly well telling me that half of my mom's side of the family had cancer and that they were going to eventually die. In fact, I think she first told us(me and my brother), at the ripe age of 4 and 2, that our grandma had stage 3 breast cancer and was going to die. She didn't even tell us what cancer was, for fuck's sake. And the consequence of that was me going on for another 8 years thinking cancer was instant death and that different parts of your body could get it.... Like, what the fuck? And then turns out my Grandpa had prostate cancer, so that was fun, but not as lethal. Another one of my great-uncles had ball cancer AND lung cancer. I can only pray that I don't share any of their fates, but I think one of the reasons she escaped it was because she went to med school. Definitely not me, so I can only hope.

Mother: Son, your grandma is going to die.
Son, crying: What?! Why??
Mother, in a perfectly calm face like this happens to her all the time: Cancer.

Son, noticing her lack of caring: Fuck you. Goodnight forever.
results of when your parents explain to you what cancer is

by PORGSSSS October 17, 2023

Bum cancer

Cancer of the bum. Otherwise known as Colon cancer, or in general cases, any bum related injury. Piercing a bum cancer tumour can lead to potentially fatal bum AIDS.

Katie: I think I have bum cancer. My ass is bleeding.
Me: You do not have the bum cancer, you ass.

Katie: I hurt my ass:(
Me: What's that I hear? BUM CANCER?! You have bum cancer?! Ergh.

by Kirstylovesthebum January 16, 2008

Cancer Burrito

A spicy red burrito which contains 700 calories of processed beef and will give anyone who consumes it the major shits. Cancer burritos should be consumed no more than once a week at the very most and should not be consumed at all if possible. Symptoms of the cancer burrito include: massive shits, constipation, stomach pains, sudden weight gain, addiction to the burrito and sudden decrease of the senses.

Josh: Dude why did you just get a cancer burrito!
David: I'm addicted to them now, if I dont have one I start to get withdrawls.
Josh: o0o0o0o0o0o0o DEADLY!
David: You know it!

by FRISKET July 28, 2008

Canberra

place. Australian resort town with plenty of elbow room and a sheila on every arm. Too right mate! Foster rooms abound on the kanga tracks and drovers watch cricket all the bleeding night!. Makes Sydney look like a Wally's wedding!

Home to the Shepherds! Only the best Aussie Rules side ever!

....................................................................................

Canberra Canberra Canberra Ho! Jumbuck's spit it's time to go!

Do you even like Aussie Rules mate? Or do you just like drinking?

by gnostic1 October 15, 2012

Calder

Verb: To lie, making your friend look like a huge creeper to the boy she likes, while having done none of the things you said she did. In fact, in some cases, YOU did the things that caused your friend to look like a creep.
Can be thought of as a bitchy move. Karma well come back to haunt anyone who had Caldered.

"Hey Calder, My friend was taking pictures of you while you were snowboarding... Look!"

by ToldyaIdpost September 13, 2011

bracket cancer

What you get when teams that you projected to go far in the NCAA tournament lose early on.

I got a bad case of bracket cancer after Vermont knocked off Syracuse.

by Hakim March 18, 2005

cancer

a disease lacking in humor, surplussing in tumor.

holy shit dude, that 6 centimeter mass in your lungs has no sense of humor. what a killjoy.

also, cancer.

by Hawaiian Dicking July 10, 2009