Jesus was born of a slut mother. The year was 0 Bc, mary and joseph were having problems with money and were about to be evicted from the summer loft by their dick land lord, Richard Cheney. Before Jesus was born they decided to move to bethlaham and rent a stable for the night. Jesus was born with his natural enemy being Super-Satan who rode on a flying motorcycle carrying a jar of marmalade which made you commit adultery. Jesus grew up and by -22Bc. Jesus joined the us army and fought in vietnam. he lost both legs six fingers and gave a rib to eden. He did a lot of drugs there so he had delusins that he was the son of god and followed bybums all accros modern manhatten. Eventually all the doctor jews got together and made jesus a criminal by saying his phsycodelic treatments where against the law. Jesus was found bumming for cigarrettes in jersey and was set to be hung from an old oak in league city texas. the words above jesus' head read "King of 281"
Jesus, Stop the malpractise.
by SJ.LC.TX June 7, 2011
Get the Jesusmug. 1. a hobo who got raped by gay hobos who also was kindly given roses to put on his stupid head. 2.a fagot who got nailed onto a dildo cross by the K.K.K
man 1-look at that poor man on the cross.
man 2-wait is that a dildo.
man 1-holy shit it is a dildo
man 2-what a jesus.
man 2-wait is that a dildo.
man 1-holy shit it is a dildo
man 2-what a jesus.
by TRENTON BIG NOSE January 1, 2009
Get the JESUSmug. The King of kings and the Lord of lords. He is so holy and just and He can save you from your sins. He loves you and does not want you to die. He can save you.
by PRAISEGOD22 March 8, 2021
Get the Jesusmug. God Almighty, the Holy One of Israel, the Ultimate Judge, the One Who died for you sins so you could go to Heaven.
1 Thessalonians 4:14
“For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.”
“For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.”
by mrfunny1234 May 14, 2020
Get the Jesusmug. Guy at Krispy Kreme: Hi, I would like one free donut. Here's my coupon.
Lady at the register: Let me see that sir. (looks at reciept)
Oh yes, this is expired. Sorry sir. Next in line!
Guy: Jesus Christ!!!
Jesus Christ(next in line): Wha-at?!?
Guy: Oh, sorry Jesus. I just got pissed.
Jesus: Whose name do I say when I'm pissed, huh?!?
Guy: Mine?
Jesus: I suppose...but Jesus Christ is so catchy. I'll just say my name.
Guy: Tuff enough.
Lady at the register: Let me see that sir. (looks at reciept)
Oh yes, this is expired. Sorry sir. Next in line!
Guy: Jesus Christ!!!
Jesus Christ(next in line): Wha-at?!?
Guy: Oh, sorry Jesus. I just got pissed.
Jesus: Whose name do I say when I'm pissed, huh?!?
Guy: Mine?
Jesus: I suppose...but Jesus Christ is so catchy. I'll just say my name.
Guy: Tuff enough.
by hungrychance14 January 6, 2011
Get the Jesusmug. by Dom February 10, 2004
Get the be-jesusmug.