flex tape is basically the only thing able to keep your ass from tearing during those hot, sweaty nights that you decided that getting butt fucked by Thanos was a good idea. And don’t get me wrong, Thanos will make passionate love to you and will do it well, but not even his gauntlet can stop you from almost getting split into to by his massive purple cock. Only flex tape can.
person 1: my marriage is falling apart. my kids have aids. i’m being evicted in 34 minutes. please god, I can’t do this alone. help. me.
god: sorry bro, i’ve got my hands tied. looks like you’re just—
*an explosion destroys the side of the church. a figure walks through the smoke. it’s phil swift*
phil swift: Hi, Phil Swift here with Flex Tape! The super-strong waterproof tape! That can instantly patch, bond, seal, and repair! Flex tape is no ordinary tape; its triple thick adhesive virtually welds itself to the surface, instantly stopping the toughest leaks. Leaky pipes can cause major damage, but Flex Tape grips on tight and bonds instantly! Plus, Flex Tape’s powerful adhesive is so strong, it even works underwater! Now you can repair leaks in pools and spas in water without draining them! Flex Tape is perfect for marine, campers and RVs! Flex Tape is super strong, and once it's on, it holds on tight! And for emergency auto repair, Flex Tape keeps its grip, even in the toughest conditions! Big storms can cause big damage, but Flex Tape comes super wide, so you can easily patch large holes. To show the power of Flex Tape, I sawed this boat in half! And repaired it with only Flex Tape! Not only does Flex Tape’s powerful adhesive hold the boat together, but it creates a super strong water tight seal, so the inside is completly dry! Yee-doggy! Just cut, peel, stick and seal! Imagine everything you can do with the power of Flex Tape!
god: sorry bro, i’ve got my hands tied. looks like you’re just—
*an explosion destroys the side of the church. a figure walks through the smoke. it’s phil swift*
phil swift: Hi, Phil Swift here with Flex Tape! The super-strong waterproof tape! That can instantly patch, bond, seal, and repair! Flex tape is no ordinary tape; its triple thick adhesive virtually welds itself to the surface, instantly stopping the toughest leaks. Leaky pipes can cause major damage, but Flex Tape grips on tight and bonds instantly! Plus, Flex Tape’s powerful adhesive is so strong, it even works underwater! Now you can repair leaks in pools and spas in water without draining them! Flex Tape is perfect for marine, campers and RVs! Flex Tape is super strong, and once it's on, it holds on tight! And for emergency auto repair, Flex Tape keeps its grip, even in the toughest conditions! Big storms can cause big damage, but Flex Tape comes super wide, so you can easily patch large holes. To show the power of Flex Tape, I sawed this boat in half! And repaired it with only Flex Tape! Not only does Flex Tape’s powerful adhesive hold the boat together, but it creates a super strong water tight seal, so the inside is completly dry! Yee-doggy! Just cut, peel, stick and seal! Imagine everything you can do with the power of Flex Tape!
by depressed as actual f u c k February 22, 2019
Get the Flex Tapemug. by anonymous for the reasons June 25, 2018
Get the head tapemug. They say if you put five pieces of tuck tape to your pillow then go to bed tuck tape Tracey will come and put two pieces of tuck tape on your pube hair and rip them off
by Planteis pickles February 9, 2019
Get the Tuck tape Traceymug. Definition 1: While in a exited or disgusting mood and/ or feeling, the mans testicles or the womens clitoris, is so sticky, slimy, and vinegary, that there is nothing that will not stick to them.
by Dick muncher 246 January 9, 2011
Get the Electrical Tapemug. You know those wax pads? Well this is the alternative to that phony shit. if you wax your balls with this stuff, people will hear your scream from a couple miles away...but at least there is no more ball hair!
mom: *looks in cabinet for waxing pads, cant find any
mom: shit, well at least i got flex tape.
son:* sleeping peacefully in bedroom until being woken up by hearing his mom yell in pain from downstairs bathroom.
mom: shit, well at least i got flex tape.
son:* sleeping peacefully in bedroom until being woken up by hearing his mom yell in pain from downstairs bathroom.
by bobo_the_hobo6 January 31, 2019
Get the flex tapemug. Like red tape, but specifically pertaining to environmental regulations (hence green) that would prevent construction projects or any other initiative.
The Prime Minister says an agreement to streamline "green tape" around state and federal approvals for major projects will not come at the expense of the environment.
by anonymous September 22, 2022
Get the green tapemug. A tape person is like double-faced tape: a bit of a hypocrite with two opposite faces to their personality which makes them irritating and sometimes unbearable.
by LizzyT99 October 15, 2021
Get the tape personmug.