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spanking the monkey

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Don't disturb him he's in his bedroom spanking the monkey.
by Not Bob at all March 10, 2018
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Some neurosurgeon posted a definition for masturbate with a bunch of synonyms and decided it would be a good idea to make them all one big link, which is how you got here to this page. Here's to that genius.
I hope that person catches AIDS from masturbating.



SYNONYMS: chokin' the chicken, spanking the monkey, flogging the dolphin, beating off, jackin' off, buffing the banana, wanking off, playing with yourself, tootin' your horn, fighting the purple helmet warrior, rubbing the one-eyed snake, commiting spermicide, taking your turn at the self-serve station, fishing with your zipper trout, beating the shit out of your midget friend, makin' mayo, polishing the family jewels, test-firing the old meat missle, wrapping the hand around the penis and moving it in a thrusting movement.
by Catamount June 21, 2008
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spank the monkey

i'm just off to spank the monkey
by dum di dum September 12, 2006
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Spank the monkey

An American state sport, in other words, jacking off. Numerous other ways of saying this include Beating the meat, playing the devil’s fiddle (for you Christian white guys).
Viktor: Dude, you gotta come see this photo of Mia Khalifa!
James: Gimme a sec, I’m gonna go spank the monkey...
by Goddamnit James February 7, 2018
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Shock The Monkey

Based off the song of the same name by Peter Gabriel, the term is used when an individual incites or causes another to feel jealous or spiteful. To bring out one's primal instinct to protect what they believe is there's.
Phil: "Dude! You have a girlfriend?!"

Dan: "Yeah. She's really awesome. I think she might be the one but I'll give it a year or two. Really something special."

Phil: "Her ass, though! Damn! I would love t-"

Dan: "Don't Shock The Monkey, Phil!"
by DonutHoleMole99 July 23, 2019
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now you've gone and spanked the monkey

Gone too far, cross over the line, exceed moral norms.
After deliberately eating the last Ho Ho when Bill's roomate, Chuck, expressly forbade him to, Chuck responded, " Now you've gone and spanked the monkey".
by Guiseppemoondog123 December 10, 2009
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to spank the monkey

to masturbate... to do the the dirty deed, in a few words to deal with your sexual needs by yourself
Guy 1: How did it go last night?
Guy 2: Not so good, so I had to spank the monkey!
by Monkey Business March 18, 2011
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