Marriage

The removal of a guy from his male peers that follows with the "taming" event that turns him into a "man". This taming event does not turn the guy into a man, it turns him into a slave. This tamed guy will now spend more time with his wife than his friends (understandable and acceptable). The problem is when he brings her to everything and every thing he plans is a couples type of thing. As a slave he will no longer act in the manner he used to and will often try to make his friends as miserable as him. He will waste away his time and resources doing everything his wife demands of him and it will never be enough. He will never be adequately rewarded. The weight of the shackles of slavery increase with every kid they have.
My best friend got married. He changed into a bitch personality that matched his wife. He stopped hanging out with the guys and wanted me to go to Home Depot and Target with him and the wife. When the guys do something that interests him he has to bring the wife. The bastard would have brought his damn wife to his bachelor party if he could have. He started acting like he was part of a cliche and alienated some of his best friends.

As the "best man" during the marriage ritual I said the longest lie in my entire life and coated with so many nice things that every one thought it was amazing. If I had been a real best man, I would have been able to stop my friend from getting married.

I miss the guy my buddy used to be and I miss the good times with him and the rest of the guys. Every drink I take from the wedding gift mug you gave me goes out to you buddy. =(
by The Worst Best Friend June 15, 2009
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Marriage

The process in which the evil robot race known as "women" enslave men for eternity. This process includes many practices like exchanging two silver bands and placing them upon each others fingers, exchanging something called "vows" declaring the loyalty to the other party. This process can also be called "moving to Albuquerque" or "putting on the ball and chain" after this process is complete the woman begins to slowly suck the life out of the man over the years till nothing remains but an obedient shell of what used to be a good friend of yours.
"did you hear? Dave got married!"

"dude, marriage sucks"
by ReptarKingOfTheOzone June 16, 2009
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marriage

a union between a man and woman for the purposes of being lifelong partners, friends, and lovers. It is a beautiful thing when used with discretion. A marriage is so much more than just a wedding. Of course anyone would want to have a grand reception and go on a honeymoon, but a marriage is an eternal willing choice.
Their marriage has remained the most loving, romantic union that I have ever seen.
by nicolion December 15, 2008
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marriage

One's (specifically my) opportunity to finally come together with the girl he loves, and spend the rest of his life with her. Protect her, love her, raise a family with her, and generally enjoy each other until the day they die.
"I love Kara more than anyone on the face of this Earth. I yearn to marry her. Our marriage will be magical" -Matt
by Baby B0y September 17, 2007
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Marriage

an outdated custom in the world today, that is fully supported by an archiac concept known as religion.

For some reason more and more today men seem to be the one's putting unbelievable pressure upon themselves to get married, when the actual outcome of the act itself has little to no benefit to men. Its basically agreeing to become a woman's new father, so her real father can finally say "Congratulations!" (translation: now she's your problem!). The stigma being its better to be in a marriage (even if you and your wife havent had sex in years, resent each other, and have kids that are a mess) then to be a single, middle aged man.

This definition has yet to take into account "divorce", which deserves a definition all its own, but since marriage leads to divorce needs to be mentioned with it.
George: Wow, so Steve got married huh?

Bill: Yeh, marriage after dating her for 4 months! You should hear him go on about it.

George: Go on about what?! He now gets to enjoy sex with the same person all the time. Thats like me bragging about the banana I have for breakfast every morning and how it gets better and better.

Bill: Hey I hear ya, I didnt understand it either. Good luck to him.

George: I mean if you rushed into it, I'd understand that, any woman willing to marry your gremlin ass you gotta run with, but Steve.....

Bill: You got me there, but that still doesnt explain what the hell I was thinking in banging your sister, least I pulled out and got her in the face for good measure.

George: I hear ya, like when you go outta town and I go to your gf's, its like a shooting gallery, and she's got a target right on her face.

Bill: Fuck you and your whore sister.

George: Not as much as I fuck your gf, bitch.

*Bill and George start kissing*
by Fatty Fat Face December 18, 2012
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Marriage

The Eternal suffocation of your left ring finger.
My friends marriage led to his ring finger being amputated
by th3librarian March 09, 2019
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Marriage

The time when a pair leaves the home. Of course I am referring to the testicles leaving the man as he loses all masculinity and lives out the worst part of his life as his wifes bitch.
Friend: You wanna go to the game tomorrow?
Married man: hold on let me check with the wife, I think she wanted to go to pottery barn tomorrow.
Friend:...
Marriage sucks
by Webbz February 17, 2010
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