Functional alcoholic

Someone who can maintain an orderly, outward social appearance while their personal life has devolved into complete chaos due to over-drinking. Their friends and family are often impressed with their achievements, while the alcoholic knows that their drinking has lead to a full-blown loss of control and that it is just a matter of time until their behavior blows up in their face. In a bad way.

Emelio's friends/family: " Emelio is about to graduate med school. We are so proud. We only wish we could accomplish as much".

Emelio: "I am a functional alcoholic. Everyone I know thinks I'm doing great but in reality my brain has turned to slush. I can't believe I BS'd my way through med school and got a 3.8 GP because I don't remember any of it. I can't believe I'm almost 30 and have somehow avoided getting a DUI thus far. Everyone thinks I'm so great, but in reality, I'm totally fucking dangerous but I just haven't been caught yet. It's all catching up with me though. It's only a matter of time until I do something really stupid and everyone will realize what a fuck-up I truly am.

by ???s upon ???s September 1, 2016

alcoholidays

St. Patrick's Day, Halloween, Mardi Gras. Those days that seem to, at least for college students, exist solely for the purpose of getting shit-faced drunk, with rituals often beginning as early as morning and continuing throughout the day.

Bob: Dude! I'm so drunk right now. We started drinking every time we see spongebob squarepants, and they are running a Halloween Marathon.
Ted: Happy Alcoholidays!

by Matthew Lake November 20, 2007

alcoholic

A person who always feels two drinks behind.

"I just woke up, how can I already be two drinks behind?"

or

"Alcoholic? What's that?"

by Teo Cherub July 15, 2009

alcoholicfetus

A fetus who's parent is an alcoholic and will most likely be born with problems and become and alcoholic.

"Damn look at that retarded guy drink! He must've been an alcoholicfetus"

by alcoholicfetus July 14, 2009

alconomics

Any mathematical or economical principles or practices directly related to the acquisition, sale or distribution of alcohol.

1.
"Hey man, that party was sick last night, but I can't figure out how we made so much cash? We only charged a few bucks at the door?"

"I don't know, talk to Jimmy, he figured it out. The guy's got a PhD in alconomics."

2.
"24 beers in a case, 24 hours in a day, that's alconomics for ya'."

by unoit! December 10, 2009

Apologetic Alcoholic

Someone who apologizes a lot after drinking a lot

When he drinks he is such an apologetic alcoholic.

by Mmmmmmmoooooooo December 8, 2019

stand-in alcoholic

When you can't attend/participate in (work) "functions" such as Happy Hour, client parties, the office holiday party, etc.

Melissa - "I'm too hung over to go to this wine tasting event tonight but the client expects someone from our office to be there."
Ann Marie - "Do you need me to be your stand-in alcoholic?"
Melissa - "WOULD YOU?! That would be such a big help."

Anna - "I already went to 3 parties this week! I can't go to anymore. I need to give my liver a rest. Do you want to be my stand-in alcoholic? There should be some cute guys there."
Ann Marie - "Sure!"

by AMarie0908 December 4, 2010