Take a Ted Cruz

When you go on vacation right when your job needs you the most

Texas Senator Ted Cruz went to Cancún when snow storms devastated Texas.

"Work is having a crisis I don't feel like dealing with, so I'm going to take a Ted Cruz."

by Texas Caveman February 19, 2021

Uncle Ted

A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees... This is not to be confused with Turd Burglar who is someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open.

Dude, I just got Uncle Tedded real bad. I was trying to take a dump, and some dude was in there looking in the mirror for like 10 minutes. Finally, I just had to let it loose.

by noahat May 5, 2009

Pulling a Ted Bell

To welsh on a bet after talking an incredibly large amount of smack about a sports team(normally the nuthugger of a particular team, usually in college or pro sports). To include completely ignoring and avoiding all contract with anyone, or any website, that the winning betting party, and/or that party's friend's, frequent(including social networking websites). To swindle someone out of the money one has laid as a bet is known as pulling a Ted Bell.

Scenario 1:

Friend: "Did that guy ever pay up on that bet with the Florida Gators and Alabama Crimson Tide in 2009?"

Bet winner: "Nope, dude is pulling a Ted Bell and has disappeared off the map. So much for that C-Note he owes me, I'll probably never see it."

Scenario 2:

Friend: "Say, what ever came about with the bet you had with that guy on the Packers/Cowboys game?"

Bet winner: "Uh, yeah, he apparently decided pulling a Ted Bell was the way to go. He hasn't posted since the night of that game when his team lost and no one has heard from him since. Dude still owes me 1 large."

by Lone Sailor January 24, 2011

Dirty Ted

When the male sucks the shit out of a woman's ass. He then proceeds to spit the shit in his hands, and masturbate with it.

I can't wait to meet with Susan tonight, I've been thinking about a Dirty Ted all day!

by Ragar March 9, 2019

Uncle Ted

Another name for Ted Nugent.

I listened to the song "Stranglehold" by ol' Uncle Ted.

by Stosh January 14, 2005

that was the joke Ted

You say this when somebody blatantly states the meaning of a joke that everybody got.

It comes from the episode of Family Guy when Peter becomes friends with Lois's father.

Carter: "Ace high or low"
Peter: "It goes both ways."
*everybody laughs*
Ted Turner: "like a bisexual"
Peter: "That was the joke Ted."

by McNooget April 16, 2010

super ted

a large female of the black origin, usually with a big bumper

cor blimey, look at that super ted!

by jim July 15, 2003