While at a restaurant, indulging in a fancy soup, you’re surprised to find oneself slurping up a whole pig's ear into your mouth and chewing it to small tiny pieces . A traumatic experience that will make you consider going vegan forever.
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by anonymous November 27, 2021
Get the alert security systems mug.grace paul’s deceased dog. Me and grace would jump on her trampoline and yell, “WIENER ALERT” when he would chase us around. he would also run into things because he was very blind.
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1. A localized emergency notification issued when an elderly bald man is spotted wandering within a one-mile radius of a medical facility, usually post-colonoscopy, squinting through crooked glasses and moving at a cautious, arthritic shuffle.
2. A hyper-specific Silver Alert for a founding member of a friend group who refuses to admit his knees sound like microwave popcorn and who insists he “just needs better lighting” before every pinball game.
Symptoms may include:
• Slow, determined walk back to a parked vehicle because “it’s not that far.”
• Adjusting glasses 47 times per minute.
• Muttering about flipper lag while standing under the brightest light in the building.
• Claiming recovery is “no big deal” while gripping the handrail like it owes him money.
1. A localized emergency notification issued when an elderly bald man is spotted wandering within a one-mile radius of a medical facility, usually post-colonoscopy, squinting through crooked glasses and moving at a cautious, arthritic shuffle.
2. A hyper-specific Silver Alert for a founding member of a friend group who refuses to admit his knees sound like microwave popcorn and who insists he “just needs better lighting” before every pinball game.
Symptoms may include:
• Slow, determined walk back to a parked vehicle because “it’s not that far.”
• Adjusting glasses 47 times per minute.
• Muttering about flipper lag while standing under the brightest light in the building.
• Claiming recovery is “no big deal” while gripping the handrail like it owes him money.
“Greg just had a colonoscopy and is walking home with those bad knees. Somebody issue a Bald Alert before he tries to read street signs in the dark.”
by GuidoDaPimp February 24, 2026
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