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Religion

Taoism: Shit happens.
Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Confucianism: Confucius says, "Shit happens".
Buddhism: If shit happens it isn't really shit.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Islam: If shit happens, it is the Will of Allah.
Jehovah's witness: Knock, knock. "Shit happens."
Atheism: There is no shit.
Agnosticism: I don't know whether shit happens.
Protestantism: Shit won't happen if I work harder.
Catholicism: If shit happens, I deserved it.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Religion is people's best-quality opium.
by alvit May 19, 2009
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religion

The single thing stopping us from finding world peace. Also the biggest, oldest and longest surviving lie of all time.
Bob:Did u see that there was another war started over religion the other day.
Johnie:Yeah man, thats to bad i thinkin we wont ever see peace
Bob:sad isnt it
by SpiderFlo July 1, 2006
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The Religion Nazi

One who forces their religion down another's throat in an effort to 'educate the ignorant/unenlightened'. These people are well known for every wrong to ever fall upon mankind, as well as the birth of the atheist and the agnostic.
News flash, guys; God gave us the Bible to TEACH, not to BELABOUR! If they want to be Christian/Jewish/Muslim/Buddist/whatever, they'll do whatever they can to convert, If they don't, don't force them; you'll just make more atheists.
by Shawn B. November 2, 2003
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religion

"Dude...I think I'm the son of god."
"Jesus, shut up already with this religion stuff, you're ruining my buzz..."
by TFE February 20, 2007
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religion

Religion is an anachronistic vestige of pre-modern societies. Religion offers comforting, though naive and often inaccurate, explanations about the origins and future of humankind, the Earth and just about everything else. Religion is often learned in youth - when children readily mimic the behavior of their parents, siblings and peers. Unfortunately, most adults never recognize that the religious perspectives, values and practices that they were indoctrinated with as children are poorly suited to living in a modern scientifically oriented society where it is understood that there is no empirical evidence for such things as: magic, demons, angels, gods, heaven, hell, the tooth fairy, the easter bunny, Santa Claus and the boogy man.

Religions continue to exist today because they are inherently adaptable; religious dogma changes markedly over time. Moreover, the many conflicting codes of behavior that religions advance can be used to justify any attitude or action, regardless of what the current century may be.
christianity, islamism, judiasm, buddhism, and other lies are typical religions.
by Think For Yourself October 27, 2007
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Religion

A scheme used to convince innocent people that killing people who believe in insert rival religion is a good idea.
Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into a tower.
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