Critical Theory

A university department from which you can get a degree in being offended.

Person 1: Hey, what the hell do you think you're doing?
Person 2: Hm?
P 1: I saw that, and I'm not going to take it quietly, for your information.
P 2: I'm sorry?
P 1: Yeah, I'll make you sorry. You looked at me. As a woman of size, I know that only means one thing - you're fat shaming me!
P 2: Uhhh... No, I...
P 1: Not only that, but I have problems with my hips because of my big, beautiful, healthy size, so you're also being a filthy ableist.
P 2: Huh? What's an ableist?
P 1: Look at you, standing there in all your white male heteronormativity, judging me silently with your eyes. I'll have you know that my great-great-grandmother on my father's side was half Cherokee.

P 2: Uh, that's cool...
P 1: No, that is not "cool". You don't get to tell me that's "cool" and fetishize me as an Indigenous person of color when you are a colonizing occupier on this, my sacred tribal land!!
P 2: Look, I think you are misunderstanding this whole thing...
P 1: "You"? "YOU"??? My pronouns most pointedly do not include the word "you"!! That is a form of gendered violence against me. And don't dare tell me it's not, because I have a Master's degree in Critical Theory and I'm wise to every single microaggression coming off of your hateful, oppressive person. Now get out of here before I call the police!
P 2. Okay, okay fine. Just finish making the latte I ordered and I'll take it to go.

by McMission Definition January 14, 2018

Cornish conspiracy theory

The Cornish conspiracy theory is claimed to be a long-running conspiracy by the English establishment to suppress Cornish people of their rights, identity and autonomy. It is claimed that the main reason why the Cornish are being denied recognition of their identity is to prevent any public debate or official enquiry into the constitutional status of Cornwall regarding the Duchy of Cornwall, sometimes referred to as the "Cornish Question". Historians point to the fact that in 1508 the 'Charter of Pardon' was granted by Henry VII to give Cornwall (Kernow) a legal right to its own Parliament and the 1858 Cornish Foreshore Case confirmed that the Duke of Cornwall is considered to be a quasi-sovereign within the Duchy of Cornwall territory (Kernow). In 1971 The Kilbrandon Report into the British constitution recommended that when referring to Cornwall official sources should cite the Duchy not the County and in 1977 Plaid Cymru MP Dafydd Wigley confirmed in Parliament that the Stannators right to veto Westminster legislation is still valid today.

'Ere, I reckon it's that there Cornish conspiracy theory again - what they doin' about that 50,000 petition for more autonomy, that there Cornish Census tick box, more money for a proper Cornish language and recognition as a proper indigenous ethnic group with the Council of Europe ? matter do 'ee ?

by Hywell June 19, 2008

Theory of compensation

Theory that states in cases where a woman has small breasts, this is compensated for by her having a nice ass. This theory does not necessarily work in reverse.

"Ah, her tits are too small!"
"Yeah, but check out her ass."
"Hmm. Theory of compensation, eh."

by Snake May 14, 2005

theorist

Someone who considers given facts and comes up with a possible explanation is called a theorist.

Theorists observe various phenomena and use reasoning to come up with practical ideas that should be proven.

The most famous theorist was Albert Einstein who gave the theory of relativity.

by Albertina March 19, 2015

hemline theory

The idea on Wall Street that the socially acceptable length of women's skirts will reveal the state of the stock market.

Low skirts at the ankles mean the country is swaying towards a conservative, bear market. (1930s)
High skirts above the knee mean the country is in a free spirited and aggressvie bull market. (1980s)

by JayBee March 20, 2005

Aether theories

Physics propose the existence of a medium.

Even with the particles retarding the motion of the aether theories, the same will be true if, to counterbalance the increased inertia, suitable forces are caused to act on the aether at all points where the inertia is altered.

by kaosmoker September 30, 2018

The Conspiracy Theory Against Muffins and Cupcakes

Many people like to say that muffins are ugly cupcakes.
This is my theory:
It is not that muffins are ugly cupcakes, but that cupcakes are altered and frosted muffins. The dye on them refers to tanning and the frosting refers to an excess amount of makeup. Cupcakes are whores in the muffin world, while muffins are pure and natural.

Now tell me, whose the ugly dessert now?

Belle: Muffins > Cupcakes
Monica: Muffins are just ugly cupcakes.
Jared: Actually, cupcakes are just altered muffins with makeup on. I call this the conspiracy theory against muffins and cupcakes.
Belle: So cupcakes are whores?
Jared: That would be weird because cupcakes are inanimate objects. But yes, exactly.

by Jared Stein & Belle Miranda March 25, 2012