The Quarantine Time Paradox

The laws of the space and time continuum do not apply to the universe during quarantine. 'Time' is in league with the coronavirus and deliberately shits itself every now and then in an effort to fuck your brain up even more than it already is.

March 5 : *blinks*
April 21: *opens*
Me: "Holy fuckermoli what happened in the last month"
Friend: "Couldn't tell you mate, The Quarantine Time Paradox is playing tricks on us again"

by monkeykaka April 20, 2020

Flat Sparkling Water Paradox

The Flat Sparkling Water Paradox is a VERY well known hypothesis that the only true way to describe sparkling water is by describing it as flat water.

Which some people would just say is still water but they would in fact be incorrect. This is because despite the flat taste of sparkling water, it is still carbonated, therefore, meaning it is still sparkling water.

So as a result of this carbonated beverage tasting flat we come to the understanding that this is indeed the Flat Sparkling Water Paradox.

Friend 1: This sparkling water tastes awful, it just tastes like flat water.

Friend 2: That makes no sense but also hundreds of sense at the same time.

Friend 1: Wow that sounds like some real Flat Sparkling Water Paradox

by SparklingWaterResearcher May 16, 2022

paradox cramp

In human males, the intellectual or emotional stabbing pain created by the seemingly irreconcilable contradictions in human female statements, behaviour, responses or expectations. Paradox cramps are usually but not exclusively experienced in heterosexual romantic relationship interdynamics.

Human Female: “Of course I wanted to talk to you. That’s why you shouldn’t have called me.” or “Yes, I know I told you to do it, and you did it right away. That’s why I am angry at you.”
Human male: “Understood. Apropos of nothing at all, where do you keep your Tylenol 3s / bourbon?”
Scientist: "Thus we see a paradox cramp, inducing standard response behaviour."

by Seeker6079 September 16, 2005

The Sammy Hagar Paradox

First seen in his song entitled "I Can't Drive 55" it describes the notion that it is physically impossible for Sammy Hagar to travel at the speed of 55 mph (miles per hour). No matter what mode of transportation whether it is a car, bike, airplane, etc, it is impossible for him to travel exactly 55 mph. The speedometer on any transportation device that Sammy Hagar occupies will never read the speed of 55 mph. Instead it will skip over 55 mph to 56 mph or 54 mph (depending on whether the vehicle is increasing or deceasing speed). Therefore, it is thought that perhaps Sammy Hagar possesses some power that allows him to bend time and space to his will, but only at the speed of 55 mph. This act of bending time and space is currently being researched by Professor Stephen Hawking the British theoretical physicist.

I saw Sammy Hagar today in his car with one foot on the brake and one on the gas and i swear that he couldn't go 55 mph...its that damn Sammy Hagar Paradox

A simple fun game to play with The Sammy Hagar Paradox is whenever you are traveling and see a speed limit sign of 55 mph you must be the first to yell "I can't drive 55!"... don't worry everyone wins because it is The Sammy Hagar Paradox

Whenever Sammy Hagar looks at a 55 mph speed limit sign it spontaneously combust

You can take Sammy Hagar's licence and post his face, wanted dead or alive, but it doesn't matter because he can't drive 55

by El Oso Blanco June 26, 2010

paradoxical subtlety

n. an attempt to show-off something, yet tries to make it look as though they are not doing so; a purposely feeble and obvious attempt at modesty in order to flaunt one's advantages over another without looking cocky.
adj. paradoxically subtle.

Ex. 1
Alex: Oh you have that class too? Wasn't that test hard?
Marvin: Yeah.
Alex: Yeah, I know huh? I only got an A-.
Marvin: No one asked you. You know, your paradoxical subtlety is really annoying.

Ex. 2
Dave: Someone's iPod earphones just latched onto my backpack on my way to class.
Anthony: Oh really? Those earphones are probably better than the ones that came with my new mp3 player. *takes out mp3 player and shows it off*

by supernintendo_chalmers February 22, 2006

Paradigm Scrambler

Not having a consistant schedule. the term was coined by Morbid Angel guitarist Trey Azagthoth.

"The motto of a paradigm scrambler is 'daytime, nighttime, all primed, continuum time.' One day a paradigm scrambler might wake up at 1pm. The next day he might sleep til 10pm. Or he might stay up for 3 days straight playing videogames being an umberhulk."

by iak sakkath October 24, 2009

Paradox Duplicate

A duplicate created as a result of time travel. When one object travels to another time where that same object also exists, then two of the exact same object occupy the same time. The popular theory is that one of the paradox duplicates is doomed to destruction as a result of the universe attempting to correct this violation of the reality matrix of existence. More pressing is the belief that, were the duplicates to come in contact with one another, it would violate the very basic law of physics that 'no two objects can occupy the same space at the same time', and, thus, unmake the universe.

"That's why i didn't want us to meet, Fry. We're paradox duplicates. The more we stayed away from each other, the better chance we had of staying alive. I guess I was wrong...(cough)"
-Futurama: Bender's Big Score

by Razorglove January 26, 2010