Masturbate

For guys only; If you want a really good orgasm quickly, then go into the bathroom, sit on the toilet, and cover the shaft of your penis with toilet paper. Move the toilet paper up and down, while pressing hard on your penis. The orgasm leaves you breathless, and I shot sperm about a foot and a half. FEELS GOOD.

Damn, I used to toilet paper to masturbate, and I think I was in heavon-on-earth.

by Master Bater. May 28, 2008

masturbate

I once heard the late George Carlin at a live performance reel off hundreds of witty slang synonyms for masturbation, but his final entry, and the punchline for his entire performance, was,

"Crowning the King."

I thought it was the funniest.

Queen Elizabeth II: Prince Andrew! Prince Andrew! How much longer are you going to be in there?

Prince Andrew: Just a little while longer, Grand Mum.

Queen Elizabeth II: Prince Andrew! You are not endevouring to masturbate in there, are you?

Prince Andrew: Of course not, Grand Mum--I'm Crowning the King!

by Dr. Whosis December 20, 2009

Masturbate

Guys- To rapidly yank your crank.
Chicks- To use variouse toys and satisfy yourself, or an electric toothbrush.

It is quite understandable.

by Maddie April 17, 2005

masturbate

To jack one's beanstalk.
Or, to choke one's chicken.

I enjoy choking my chicken.

by Ass Clown November 3, 2002

masturbate

One of the sexiest things that a man can possibly do.

Hot damn...there isn't much else I can say.

by raspberry (lust) muffin July 28, 2005

masturbate

1) SYNONYMS: chokin' the chicken, spanking the monkey, flogging the dolphin, beating off, jackin' off, buffing the banana, wanking off, playing with yourself, tootin' your horn, fighting the purple helmet warrior, rubbing the one-eyed snake, commiting spermicide, taking your turn at the self-serve station, fishing with your zipper trout, beating the shit out of your midget friend, makin' mayo, polishing the family jewels, test-firing the old meat missle, wrapping the hand around the penis and moving it in a thrusting movement. (v.) The act of sexually pleasing yourself to orgasm. For males this involves using the hands to massage the penis in a thrusting motion, while for females this involves rubbing and stimulation of the vaginal and clittoral areas. This is often accompanied by some sort of sexually pleasing visual and/or mental stimulation.

2) (n.) Something a true Catholic cannot do because the wrath of the imaginary friend will come down upon them. See wordgod/word.

I was so horny I bought a Playboy and masturbated.

by fraghappy November 6, 2003

masturbate

What to do whenever you aren't in school or at work. Actually, you can do it there too, but be subtle.

I masturbated while I wrote this definition for urban dictionary.

by IM JERKING OFF RITE NOW April 4, 2009