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Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

A book never published on Earth, and until a terrible catastrophe occurred in an alternate probability in 1979, never seen or even heard of by any Earthman.
Nevertheless, a wholly remarkable book.
In fact, it was probably the most remarkable book ever to come out of the great publishing corporations of Ursa Minor- of which no Earthman had ever herd either.
No only is it a wholly remarkable book, it is also a highly successful one- more popular than "Celestial Home Care Omnibus," better selling than "Fifty-three More Things to Do in Zero Gravity," and more controversial than Oolon Colluphid's trilogy of philosophical blockbusters, "Where God Went Wrong," "Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes," and "Who Is This God Person Anyway?"
In many of the more relaxed civilizations on the Outer Eastern Rim of the Galaxy, The "Hitchhiker's Guide" has already supplanted the great "Encyclopedia Galactica" as the standard repository of all knowledge and wisdom, for though it has many omissions and contains much that is apocryphal, or at least widely inaccurate, it scores over the older, more pedestrian work in two important respects.

1. It is slightly cheaper.

2. It has the words DON'T PANIC inscribed in large friendly letters on its cover.
"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has a few things to say on the subject of towels."
by Gorblax May 2, 2005
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Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy — not an Earth book, never published on Earth, and until the terrible catastrophe occurred, never seen or heard of by any Earthman.

Nevertheless, a wholly remarkable book.

in fact it was probably the most remarkable book ever to come out of the great publishing houses of Ursa Minor — of which no Earthman had ever heard either.

Not only is it a wholly remarkable book, it is also a highly successful one — more popular than the Celestial Home Care Omnibus, better selling than Fifty More Things to do in Zero Gravity, and more controversial than Oolon Colluphid's trilogy of philosophical blockbusters Where God Went Wrong, Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes and Who is this God Person Anyway?

In many of the more relaxed civilizations on the Outer Eastern Rim of the Galaxy, the Hitch Hiker's Guide has already supplanted the great Encyclopedia Galactica as the standard repository of all knowledge and wisdom, for though it has many omissions and contains much that is apocryphal, or at least wildly inaccurate, it scores over the older, more pedestrian work in two important respects.

First, it is slightly cheaper; and secondly it has the words Don't Panic inscribed in large friendly letters on its cover.
Here's what the Encyclopedia Galactica has to say about alcohol. It says that alcohol is a colourless volatile liquid formed by the fermentation of sugars and also notes its intoxicating effect on certain carbon-based life forms.

The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster.

It says that the effect of a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.

The Guide also tells you on which planets the best Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters are mixed, how much you can expect to pay for one and what voluntary organizations exist to help you rehabilitate afterwards.

The Guide even tells you how you can mix one yourself.

Take the juice from one bottle of that Ol' Janx Spirit, it says.

Pour into it one measure of water from the seas of Santraginus V — Oh that Santraginean sea water, it says. Oh those Santraginean fish!!!

Allow three cubes of Arcturan Mega-gin to melt into the mixture (it must be properly iced or the benzine is lost).

Allow four litres of Fallian marsh gas to bubble through it, in memory of all those happy Hikers who have died of pleasure in the Marshes of Fallia.

Over the back of a silver spoon float a measure of Qualactin Hypermint extract, redolent of all the heady odours of the dark Qualactin Zones, subtle sweet and mystic.

Drop in the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger. Watch it dissolve, spreading the fires of the Algolian Suns deep into the heart of the drink.

Sprinkle Zamphuor.

Add an olive.

Drink ... but ... very carefully ...

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy sells rather better than the Encyclopedia Galactica.
by MTCaptain August 15, 2006
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the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy

It's a book.
by Cellist December 23, 2003
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Weekly podcast hosted by Tom and his sidekick Tim.

Or if you are Tim: weekly podcast hosted by Tim and his sidekick Tom

Basically, TCGTE is the funniest podcast you will ever hear.

Topics vary from time travel to dating and everything inbetween.
"Tim- Fucking baby boomers!
Tom- ...ok...so anyway, starbucks..."

Listener-Ah The Complete Guide To Everything, legend .
by iheartbabyboomers. jk im tim! November 21, 2010
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Community Guidelines

That really long thing nobody reads but agrees too anyways. See also Content Guidelines.
by Apple Byter February 21, 2020
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r-rated tour guide

A college student who has sex with their college friends hometown friends when they are visiting.
Girl 1: "OMG, so-and-so's friend is visiting this weekend."
Girl 2: "Oh so you're gonna be an r-rated tour guide??"
Girl 1: Yeah, I heard he's pretty hot, and ill never have to see him again."
by shmoopdidiwhoop April 22, 2019
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