political masturbation

1. slang. Term used to describe any political process that serves only as a distraction from more important matters.

The Senate's ongoing debate over the Flag Burning Amendment is a great example of political masturbation.

by Rich C 123 July 8, 2006

masturbation probation

When one goes an extended period of time without jerking off. Most will give in to willpower and natural urges, but the courageous and strong can sometimes go for days or weeks without choking the chicken. See The Contest (Seinfeld).

"Yo dude, check out this porn video I found!"
"Nah man, not tonight. I've decided to go on masturbation probation."

by Gayaka June 20, 2009

stress masturbate

When one engages in vigorous masturbation as a means of immediate stress relief.

After he was asked to re-do the assignment, Bryce went to stress masturbate before getting down to work.

by Williamsburg Rabbi February 9, 2015

preventative masturbation

VERB. Masturbating so as to prevent wet dreams and/or untimely hard ons.

Dude, I can't believe you had a wet dream last night! You really should start using preventative masturbation.

by batman1234567654321 April 5, 2010

guided masturbation

To have someone tell you what to do when you’re touching yourself. They control your movements and direct you on what exactly to do in order to cum.

Jerry and I were having phone sex and we decided to do guided masturbation on me.

by ribbit January 28, 2019

Masturbation Ninja

One who can masturbate/masturbates everywhere they have gone/are without fear of being caught, with any object, without being seen, heard, or others having suspicion of the action of masturbation, any where, any time, and any place.

Student #1: Hey man, I whacked off in biology today.
Student #2: HOLY HELL! Did you get caught?
Student #1: Hell no I didn't, I am a freaking Masturbation Ninja.
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Guy #1: I jizzed all over my friends moms bra last night while he was in the same room.
Guy #2: What!? He didn't see you?
Guy #1: Shit no, he was sleeping.
Guy #2: Good thing you're a Masturbation Ninja.
Guy #1: Damn right.

by gregmastersensai November 20, 2009

literary masturbation

When someone quotes him or herself.

Yesterday, Brian put his own, apparently funny quote, on his AIM profile. There should be some decency law against literary masturbation like that.

by ricebagg July 28, 2004