God's baby. He was the first baby ever born. God thought he would change the rules a little and instead of Mary, his wife having the baby come out of her vagina, he wanted to be the only man to have a baby come out of their penis. Jesus came from God's penis, and so he grew up to have a vagina. He was demented and round like a hot dog. Kids at school picked on Jesus and called him Jesus the Penis. Jesus went on for about 33 years of his life being made fun of and all God could do is say "Make them sorry, Jesus. Make them remember you." And so one day Jesus got overly depressed, found a Pot Leaf and smoked it with a magical pot bowl. He became high, and decided to build a cross, hang himself up on it, and forced his father to nail him to it. Jesus said he was sacrificing himself for others, but he really wanted people to feel bad for him. He is still remembered to this day, and this is the only proof found of him.
by Marrrrrs December 16, 2009
'You betcha', yes, as if in a state of amazement - term used by a dieing breed of hard core, no nonsense north eastern men and women. (less urban, more rural...)
...just 1 day after getting out 'da hospital for the treatments, and by-the-Jesus, if she didn't take off crosslots to go see her her sap was on...
by madravenpix January 01, 2009
by TheSavior152 January 31, 2011
A boy who is always there for you and will go to the impossible to make you happy he makes the wrong choices when he chooses someone to be with and doesnt truly notice a good female when he sees one other than that he is very self aware and cute and deserves the world he trys to give
by The real tea sis May 29, 2019
1. A mythological peasant supposedly born to a deity father and a "virgin" mother who cheated on her fiancé with this deity, raised by this "virgin" and a carpenter, found out he was his own father and a deity's son at the age of 12, and lived a pretty much normal life until he was 30 years old. Became a magical teacher of morals (and simultaneously promoted some immoral aspects), did magical acts such as raise people from the dead, cure them magically, died on a cross for nothing he had done wrong, and became a zombie that appeared as if nothing ever happened.
2. A storybook character written in four different versions, all contradictory of and in themselves, plagiarized by each of the four "Gospel" writers, edited by the public over and over, all by secondary sources (no witnesses wrote these), who even chose what was real and what wasn't.
3. A recycled myth.
2. A storybook character written in four different versions, all contradictory of and in themselves, plagiarized by each of the four "Gospel" writers, edited by the public over and over, all by secondary sources (no witnesses wrote these), who even chose what was real and what wasn't.
3. A recycled myth.
1. Jesus Christ doesn't exist.
2. These stories, to me, sound like Jesus Christ was just a myth.
3. Jesus is a recycled myth!!!
2. These stories, to me, sound like Jesus Christ was just a myth.
3. Jesus is a recycled myth!!!
by Kiss My Ass, Religion June 14, 2010
Most likely one if the biggest badasses in human/spiritual history. Grade A pimp.
Reasons:
1. He was a LEADER, not a bitchy little follower.
2. His dad was god...enough said.
3. Probably fucked so many women he could acquire magical healing powers.
4. Walked on water before Chris Angel.
5. Even Chuck Norris thought he was badass.
Reasons:
1. He was a LEADER, not a bitchy little follower.
2. His dad was god...enough said.
3. Probably fucked so many women he could acquire magical healing powers.
4. Walked on water before Chris Angel.
5. Even Chuck Norris thought he was badass.
by Gcoble April 05, 2009
Created man and woman with original sin. Impregnated a woman with himself so that he could be born into the world. Once alive, he killed himself as a sacrifice to his dad, who is also himself. Which also somehow saves YOU from the original sin he created you with if you accept him into your heart.
It gets much more confusing than that.
It gets much more confusing than that.
by JadeyVengeance September 05, 2009