Garden turtle

A guy who sucks himself off watching a wetsuit drying on a clothesline

Da fuck outta here you dirty fuckin garden turtle

by Uncy Joe August 17, 2017

Turtle Shank

A plastic single use straw, that ultimately ends up in a turtle's nose.

Me: No turtle shank in my drink, please.

Bar Tender: What's that?
Me: A straw.
Bar Tender: Ohhh. Got it.

by C.B. #99 December 31, 2018

Post-turtle

*Australian definitive example.

Post-turtle

While stitching up the hand of a 75 year old Queensland farmer, who got cut on a gate while working cattle, the rural doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Kevin-07 and his appointment to Prime Minister of Australia.

“Well, ya know,” drawled the old farmer, “this Rudd fella is what they call a fencepost turtle.”

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a fencepost turtle was.

The old farmer said, “when you’re driving along a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s called a fencepost turtle.”

The old farmer saw a puzzled look on the doctor’s face, so he continued to explain,

“You know he didn’t get up there by himself, he definitely doesn’t belong up there, he doesn’t know what to do while he is up there, and you just gotta wonder what kind of dill put him up there in the first place!

by Tallara June 30, 2008

Velvet turtle

A masturbation device, home made or store bought

Hugo offered to hold my velvet turtle while I break it in.

by Moe976 November 18, 2009

turtle head

The tip of a turd that has opened your asshole just enough to peek out at the world.

I'm squeezing as hard as I can to hold it in, but I got a turtle head poking out.

by Mike April 12, 2004

Stink the turtle

A game in which people get under the covers and fart. Last person to poke their head out wins.

We ate some chili then had an epic game of stink the turtle.

by Djprecio October 14, 2009

butter the turtle

A phrase used to describe the act of female masturbation, especially if she hasn't in a while. If you know a female who is acting cranky, bitchy, or suspicious, chances are, she could use a good turtle buttering.

"Becky, you look a bit under the weather, maybe you should go butter that turtle, it's the best thing for you."- Becky's Grandmother

Rhianna likes to butter the turtle whenever she's on stage.

by JHONNY!!! September 3, 2013