Mom's dinner theorem

Accepting what you have under the guise of "everything else sucks". Truthfully, you gave up wanting what you dont have.

You hate potatoes, you could have carrots but its late and youre sleepy - carrots are probably hard to chew so you just eat the potatoes, this is mom's dinner theorem
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A: i dont know, i guess i like being a girl! I mean, being a dude peobably sucked just by standardization alone.

B: mom's dinner theorem?

A: id rather not think about it.

by Anoneeneemus December 17, 2024

Morris's Theorem

Every single, solitary, girl -- no exceptions -- looks better with longer hair than shorter hair.

I thought this girl was bad, but then I remembered Morris's Theorem and thought about how she's wasting her potential.

by Jimmy Cooks 17 February 11, 2025

The person I would theoretically report it to

Already knew and her response to being told that they were fucking was "That's none of your business." But you wouldn't be saying that of the genders were swapped and the behavior of the higher-ups I would tell would indicate that THEY already knew. There was no one for me to tell, the people I would tell had it out for me, and I was fired for not doing it sooner.

Hym "The person I would theoretically report it to already knew. And this was not a business decision is was and is a publication made. I'm publishing papers. You are stealing it because is it better than anything you could manage to generate with your mentally retarded mind and for no other reason. THE ONLY BUSINESS DECISION BEING MADE HERE... Is the one to STEAL FROM ME! Those are the 2 decisions being made. One to steal from me and the other to allow it. If I can't get to one of you I CAN get to the other."

by Hym Iam September 24, 2025

Russian Roulette Theorem

A theorem about risk-taking calculus and gambling. It states that if the probability of a loss is less than 1/6, then it is convenient to gamble and not prepare for the worst-case scenario. This theorem is demonstrated by the common use of Russian roulette, which gambles everything on a 1/6 chance of winning something which is obviously less valuable than life therefore any application of this theorem is valid.

Ludovico: Man, the teacher might test me in chemistry tomorrow.
Eduard: Oral or written?
Ludovico: Oral.
Eduard: How many people are getting tested?
Ludovico: 2 out of 13.
Eduard: Then you should gamble on it, because of the Russian Roulette Theorem.
Ludovico: Sexy

by Darth kugor February 6, 2026

1.5 inch theorem

yo dick can grow up to 1.5 inches

Jar can have an 8 inch dick on good day due to the 1.5 inch theorem.

by Truthman8inch December 7, 2025

The VHS Theorem

VHS Theorem
aka The Downward-Value Utility Arbitrage Principle
/vee-aitch-es thee-uh-ruhm/

Definition:
A consumer hack for maximum lifestyle value on a pauper budget. The VHS Theorem states: when something’s cultural clout collapses faster than its functionality, its utility-per-dollar skyrockets. In plain English: if it still works but nobody wants it, it’s basically magic.

Mechanics:

Cultural Abandonment – everyone chases the new shiny thing.

Functional Persistence – the old stuff still works fine.

Depression Pricing – sellers panic-sell at rock-bottom prices.

Utility Extraction – you live like a sultan on a scratch-off budget.

Examples:
VHS tapes, DVDs, old game consoles, CRT TVs, secondhand instruments, cast iron, estate sale gold — basically anything that fell out of fashion but still functions.

When culture abandons it, the wise inherit it.

“Picked up 50 VHS tapes for $20 and watched classics all weekend. Totally The VHS Theorem at work, my man!"

by NakedEdmund December 17, 2025