Fraud Guarantee

A super stupid name for a technology firm that is supposedly set up to protect its customers from being defrauded but may be the direct connection with the savvy fraudsters themselves.

Let’s just say that when I found Fraud Guarantee I was entirely solvent but after doing business with Mr. Parnas for about a year, I was living in my car.

by Dr Bunnygirl November 6, 2019

Korm Guarantee

The firmest assurance that certain conditions will be fulfilled; a promise that should never be doubted.

Daniel gave a Korm Guarantee that they would win, so everyone placed their bets on Arsenal to win the league.

by FletchTheGreat July 1, 2016

I guarantee it

George Zimmer's closing statement, especially after the successful use of his monolithic man meat.

Hi, I’m George Zimmer, founder and CEO of the men's wearhouse. While surreptitiously plunging my rosy-cheeked cyclopean ally into the anal cavity of a young migrant farm worker of indeterminate gender in the front row of a movie theater, the poor youth screamed for more than three minutes straight, finally coughing up a load of 100% pure Zimmer sauce and passing out. The other movie patrons, angry at the interruption of the adventures of sharkboy and lavagirl in 3-d, began pelting me with drinks, food, and phone numbers hastily written on napkins. Unfortunately, my outrageously dapper suit was ruined in the process. I nonchalantly pulled the unconscious youth off my enormous eyeball gouger and stripped nude. Then, with a bestial roar, I beat the entire audience to death--without leaving the front row. On my way out, in the custom of the Zimmer family, I gave them a burial at semen. I guarantee it.

by ms. anonymous September 10, 2008

guarantold

To be guaranteed that what has been said or "told" is true.

Goomba: The prophecy has been "guarentold" that a man named "Big D" will come and spook you when you are least expecting it.

Big D: SPAGOOT!...gotchya

Goomba: THE PROPHECY HAS BEEN GUARANTOLD !

by dan pawlett December 1, 2009

George Foreman Guarantee

It is the highest form(around 100%) of any guarantee followed by the Men's Warehouse Guarantee(around 75%) and then the Ed from Jersey Guarantee (around 25%). The George Foreman is not to be violated and the punishment for such violation will be harsh.

Rich Davis: Covino, bro I George Foreman guarantee that Spot will get some this weekend.

1 week later...

Covino: It is now time for Rich's slap in the face and pie disgrace for violating the George Foreman.

Rich: I should've gone with the Men's Warehouse.

by BeastlyDoughboy January 10, 2009

Yotam guarantee

(noun): An unwavering assurance that if Yotam promises something, it will unquestionably be accomplished. Yotam's name has become synonymous with reliability and effectiveness, representing a steadfast commitment to delivering on their word.

Person 1: "I think this company is a scam"
Person 2: "No man, they have the Yotam guarantee"

by señor mo July 17, 2023

Quaranteed

A portmanteau of "guaranteed" and "quarantined": Mathematically assured to obtain the worst possible outcome which, in a given situation, is synonymous with the best possible outcome.

"I won't stop worrying until the Sabres are quaranteed at least the 2nd overall pick." -Steve Lexer

by RroseSelavy March 29, 2015