A Christian college in Grand Rapids, Michigan U.S.A. Known for its Jesus freaks, hot snobby bitches, and shitty investments. Has a 99% acceptance rate because they don't hesitate to financially rape someones' pockets for $35K a year. Doesn't have any real sports. 100% dry campus. If you fuck someone in the dorms, they will kick you out. About 90% of the student body is composed of social retards who go there because they grew up in sheltered, Jesus loving, god fearing communities and are attempting to add four more years to avoiding the real world. Most students graduate in over four years due to the schools' curriculum of required theology and other bullshit classes that real schools don't teach. The student body is about as ethnically diverse as Toronto, Ontario (roughly 70% white, 30% asian, and about six blacks). The asians generally stay with one another and avoid white people like they're going to put them in concentration camps. Most of the guys are skinny dickless choches. The very small number of athletically toned guys have no problem tearing through the poon like it's spring break. The girls are stuck up twats who use their religion as an excuse as to why they claim to be virgins. Every girl there will put-out for a guy if his family is rich. Everyone there will piss themselves at the notion of atheists and other non-christian people. Best way to get someone to jerk off in front of you is to start talking about Jesus.
Normal college student: "So what did you do this weekend?"
Calvin college student: "I went to chapel and praised Jesus by the seminary pond. How about you?"
Normal college student: "I went to a party and got shitfaced then proceeded to show my genitalia to everyone and ended up waking up in a bed with two women and a pool of vomit next to me. It was about the usual."
Calvin college student: "You're going to hell."
Random Christian: "Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about Jesus Christ?"
Calvin student: unzips pants
"I'm so sexually frustrated, I'm about to stick my dick in a light socket."
"My type of guy is one whose parents left him a six-figure trust fund."
Calvin college student: "I went to chapel and praised Jesus by the seminary pond. How about you?"
Normal college student: "I went to a party and got shitfaced then proceeded to show my genitalia to everyone and ended up waking up in a bed with two women and a pool of vomit next to me. It was about the usual."
Calvin college student: "You're going to hell."
Random Christian: "Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about Jesus Christ?"
Calvin student: unzips pants
"I'm so sexually frustrated, I'm about to stick my dick in a light socket."
"My type of guy is one whose parents left him a six-figure trust fund."
by commandercrook October 17, 2013
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A cesspool of conservative, fundamentalist, self-righteous, ignorant assholes.
A cesspool of conservative, fundamentalist, self-righteous, ignorant assholes.
North Penn Kid: Hey, you go to Calvary, right?
Calvary Baptist School Kid: Please don't talk to me, you are of the world, and they tell me world is evil! You believe in EVILution and believe monkeys "evolved" into man over BILLIONS of years. Monkeys can't even live a billion years! How come we cant speak monkey? If we did evolve from monkeys then how come babies aren't born monkeys? I am 100% pro-life, unless we're talking about capital punishment, in which case I am 100% pro-death! If u have sex before marriage then in God's eyes u are married to that person. If a man rapes a woman, in Gods eyes they are married, it sucks for the girl but what can we do lol! There are NO exceptions to abortion whatsoever. It is God's will that the woman was impregnated, and therefore she must birth the child! If she was in fact raped, she must play the hand that was dealt to her, accept it as God's Will, and raise the interracial baby as her own. A woman wants to abort a rape child? She should have thought of that before she walked down that dark alley without a male present, not to mention she should have thought before putting on revealing attire. In the real world homosexuals (especially males) are generally predatory perverts who wouldn't think twice about bedding a 14 yo boy. You want to think that "Will and Grace" is a realistic picture of homosexuality. You're wrong. It doesn't show the incredibly widespread depression, drug use, disease and utter depravity of the homosexual fetish community....blah blah blah bullshit bullshit...
North Penn Kid: I'll take that as a yes...
Calvary Baptist School Kid: Please don't talk to me, you are of the world, and they tell me world is evil! You believe in EVILution and believe monkeys "evolved" into man over BILLIONS of years. Monkeys can't even live a billion years! How come we cant speak monkey? If we did evolve from monkeys then how come babies aren't born monkeys? I am 100% pro-life, unless we're talking about capital punishment, in which case I am 100% pro-death! If u have sex before marriage then in God's eyes u are married to that person. If a man rapes a woman, in Gods eyes they are married, it sucks for the girl but what can we do lol! There are NO exceptions to abortion whatsoever. It is God's will that the woman was impregnated, and therefore she must birth the child! If she was in fact raped, she must play the hand that was dealt to her, accept it as God's Will, and raise the interracial baby as her own. A woman wants to abort a rape child? She should have thought of that before she walked down that dark alley without a male present, not to mention she should have thought before putting on revealing attire. In the real world homosexuals (especially males) are generally predatory perverts who wouldn't think twice about bedding a 14 yo boy. You want to think that "Will and Grace" is a realistic picture of homosexuality. You're wrong. It doesn't show the incredibly widespread depression, drug use, disease and utter depravity of the homosexual fetish community....blah blah blah bullshit bullshit...
North Penn Kid: I'll take that as a yes...
by Dave Hanes April 14, 2008
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