3 definitions by commandercrook
A beach on the Lake Michigan shores of Ottawa County, Michigan. A highly overrated litter box that sees about a couple thousand mindless sheep per day during the summer months. Mainly retarded teenagers and college students; everyone goes there for the sole purpose of drinking till they wet themselves. Packs of choch monsters comb the beach looking for the most clueless whore they can attempt to gang rape. The shit soup water is mildly radioactive and makes a slap in the dick sound more appealing than getting in. Fortunately, natural selection picks-off a few of the brain damaged neanderthals that jump off the pier each year.
Bro one: "Let's go to Grand Haven today!"
Bro two: "Hell yeah, I could use some hepatitis!"
Clueless idiot: "Man my dick has been itching ever since I went to Grand Haven."
Not a clueless idiot: "Did you get in the water?"
Clueless idiot: "Yeah, why?"
Not a clueless idiot: "You're going to die."
Dumb twat: "I met this group of guys at the beach the other day and I've been talking to this one on the phone a lot and he wants me to hangout, but all his friends are going to be there too."
Dumb twat's friend: "Bring extra lube."
Bro two: "Hell yeah, I could use some hepatitis!"
Clueless idiot: "Man my dick has been itching ever since I went to Grand Haven."
Not a clueless idiot: "Did you get in the water?"
Clueless idiot: "Yeah, why?"
Not a clueless idiot: "You're going to die."
Dumb twat: "I met this group of guys at the beach the other day and I've been talking to this one on the phone a lot and he wants me to hangout, but all his friends are going to be there too."
Dumb twat's friend: "Bring extra lube."
by commandercrook October 22, 2013
Since people don't have to pass an IQ test in order to reproduce, Idiocracy is humanity's inevitable future.
by commandercrook January 24, 2014
A Christian college in Grand Rapids, Michigan U.S.A. Known for its Jesus freaks, hot snobby bitches, and shitty investments. Has a 99% acceptance rate because they don't hesitate to financially rape someones' pockets for $35K a year. Doesn't have any real sports. 100% dry campus. If you fuck someone in the dorms, they will kick you out. About 90% of the student body is composed of social retards who go there because they grew up in sheltered, Jesus loving, god fearing communities and are attempting to add four more years to avoiding the real world. Most students graduate in over four years due to the schools' curriculum of required theology and other bullshit classes that real schools don't teach. The student body is about as ethnically diverse as Toronto, Ontario (roughly 70% white, 30% asian, and about six blacks). The asians generally stay with one another and avoid white people like they're going to put them in concentration camps. Most of the guys are skinny dickless choches. The very small number of athletically toned guys have no problem tearing through the poon like it's spring break. The girls are stuck up twats who use their religion as an excuse as to why they claim to be virgins. Every girl there will put-out for a guy if his family is rich. Everyone there will piss themselves at the notion of atheists and other non-christian people. Best way to get someone to jerk off in front of you is to start talking about Jesus.
Normal college student: "So what did you do this weekend?"
Calvin college student: "I went to chapel and praised Jesus by the seminary pond. How about you?"
Normal college student: "I went to a party and got shitfaced then proceeded to show my genitalia to everyone and ended up waking up in a bed with two women and a pool of vomit next to me. It was about the usual."
Calvin college student: "You're going to hell."
Random Christian: "Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about Jesus Christ?"
Calvin student: unzips pants
"I'm so sexually frustrated, I'm about to stick my dick in a light socket."
"My type of guy is one whose parents left him a six-figure trust fund."
Calvin college student: "I went to chapel and praised Jesus by the seminary pond. How about you?"
Normal college student: "I went to a party and got shitfaced then proceeded to show my genitalia to everyone and ended up waking up in a bed with two women and a pool of vomit next to me. It was about the usual."
Calvin college student: "You're going to hell."
Random Christian: "Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about Jesus Christ?"
Calvin student: unzips pants
"I'm so sexually frustrated, I'm about to stick my dick in a light socket."
"My type of guy is one whose parents left him a six-figure trust fund."
by commandercrook October 17, 2013