Steamed hams

Well, seymour, I made it, despite your directions.
Ah, superintendent Chalmers, welcome. I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon.
eh.
Oh lee gods! my roast is ruined. But what if.. I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? ho ho ho, delightfully devilish seymour.
SEYMOUR!
Oh, superintendent, I was just, uh stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise, care to join me?
Why is there smoke coming out of your oven?
Oh, that isn't smoke, It's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmm. Steamed clams.

Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering haamburgers.
I thought you said we're having steamed clams?
D'oh, no, I said steamed hams. That's what I call hamburgers.
You call hamburgers steamed hams?
Yes. It's a.. regional dialect.
From what region?
uhh... Upstate new york.
Really? Well I'm from utica, and I never heard anyone use the phrase steamed hams.
Oh not in utica, no, It's an albany expression.

I see.
You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at krusty burger.
Oh, no, Patented skinner burgers. Old family recipe.
For steamed hams
Yes.
And you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.
Ye-
You kno-
one thing I should..
Excuse me for one second.
Of course.
Well, that was wonderful, good time was had by all, I'm pooped.

Yes, I should be, GOOD LORD WHAT IS HAPPENING TH- to be continued

Steamed Hams Is the best art piece ever done.

by zoetbh July 8, 2018

Splittin Hams

The act of a human male partaking in sexual intercourse with a female with a curvaceous ass. "Hams", pertaining to two rather large butt cheeks.

Last night I was with Sara, and I was splittin hams all night long.

by cooter_cleavage February 23, 2008

sweater hams

large perky well rounded breasts.

ingrid has the nicest set of sweater hams i've seen in a long time

by m.bailey April 28, 2007

Hots 'N Hams

Shortened slang for two American favorites: Hotdogs and Hamburgers. I first heard this term from my younger brother (though I am sure it existed beforehand)and it cracked me up. It proves useful as a drunken exclaimation or for when extreme oral laziness takes over.

Mark: C'mon dude we gotta get beer and fire up the grill!

Julie: What are we eating?

Mark: Hots 'N Hams

Julie: You mean hotdogs and ha-

Mark: HOTS 'N HAMS!! That's what I said woman! HOTS 'N HAMS! and BEER!

by Mike Falcigno April 24, 2005

Holding hams

When couples walk along, arm in arm, with one of their hands down their true love's pants, groping the cheek.

Awww, isn't that sweet, that middle aged German couple is holding hams in the park. Barf!

by Dr. Kep June 23, 2014

steamed hams

(1) Skinners excuse to eat fast food
(2) hamburgers in Albany, New York

D'oh, no. I said steamed hams. That's what I call hamburgers. That's what I call hamburgers.

by why are you reading this June 2, 2018

Steaming hams

Buying fast food and telling people that you made it.

Aunt Becky "makes" hamburgers for us every year, but we all know she's just steaming hams.

by Bertiethebussmugglesdrugs July 9, 2018