Jesus Squee

Any over-enthusiastic literature or preaching by any Christian faction.

Watchtower is both Jesus Squee and Fundie Fanfic.

"Take yer Jesus Squee and ram it, darned Witnesses"

by Kahless the Unforgettable October 16, 2008

Jesus

A religious figure, who falsly claims to be god, instead of Danny De Vito

It appears, that while jesus was making miracles, he was super high on crack. The church is removing every record of him, and replacing it with Danny De Vito

by Sab-E.R November 19, 2018

Jesus Christ

Yes, it's multiple parts this one...

*The wilderness*

Lucifer "Oh what in the fuck is it now!?"

Jesus "Hey man! Long time no see! What's it been? 30 years? I'm a guy now."

Lucifer "This is what you've been doing!? You can't be a guy!"

Jesus "I am. I'm Jesus Christ now."

Lucifer "JESUS CHRIST!"

Jesus "Yep."

Lucifer "Jesus Christ! This is ridiculous. You can't be a guy. Change back! Change back immediately!"

Jesus "Oho can't I? Are you my dad now? Ok father. I won't be a guy *Father*."

Father "I don't need to be your father to- Wait... *Father* YOU SON OF A BITCH! What are you going to do!? What are THEY going to do!? They are going to fuck your shit up!"

Jesus "Oh I know."

Father 😨

Jesus 🤨

Father "What the fuck is happening right now..."

Jesus "Uuuuummmm I'm a guy now. I did some cool stuff. They're going to kill me. And.. then... I'm... Gonna... I donno... I'll just come back or something. Or not. Or come back for a bit and then go back and then come back later. It's gonna be tight!"

Father "Jesus Christ... That is fucking stupid man. Absolutely dumb. Why would you come here just to let em kill you?"

Jesus "Save me then idiot! Heheheh!"

Lucifer "No. No, I'm not going to save you from- What is there to even save you from?"

Jesus "Exactly. Hey, we're having a party man you should come out! We got... Um... Bread. We're gonna split a bottle of wine between... Well, between the 14 of us I guess. It's gonna be dope."

Father "TSK! Getthefuckouttaherewiththat! No! NO! I'm not going to 'party' and I'm not going to be a part of any of this."

Jesus "Your loss man parties are fun."

Father 😨

Jesus "Alright man I'll see you later." 😌🖐

Father 😨

by Hym Iam August 9, 2023

Jesus

The type of guy to steel your girl if he likes her. This mf really goes from being open and all out in shit to being quiet, always wearing a hoodie and looks fucking depressed. But dont worry about him stealing her. He's a nice guy.

Oh shit hide yo biches Jesus is coming

by Big daddy11478 November 22, 2021

Jesus Christ Sponge

Commonly referring to the pads of non-working lame excuse for a cleaning tool otherwise known as Shamwow.

It's a fucking Jesus Christ Sponge! Run from the soakage!

by JellysWalkinOnAir December 30, 2009

Jesus Freak

Someone more overt and sold out to Jesus than you.

Don, my friend, you have been carrying around that Bible and going to church a lot. Are you becoming a Jesus freak?

by Brother Donald June 16, 2022

jesus (BUNNINGS)

This is any worker at Bunnings warehouse that knows what the fuck he's doing and is a sickunt for helping you when you try to find out the 3 ials that have 15 different types of tech screws

Jesus (Bunnings) thank you for leading me to the techscrews in ial 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

P2: no worries woka thatil be $5:98

by coop-meme March 25, 2021