Dumpster Mattress Blowjob

The act of receiving a less than stellar blowjob from some rando life coach behind a dumpster on top of a mattress after bar close.

Life Coach: Hi dude I never met before 10 minutes ago! Want to cuddle on this perfectly good mattress that was thrown away?
Dude: Ummm, ok.

(Both lie down together)
Life Coach: Want to make out?
Dude: Sure why not?
(Proceed to make out)
Dude: Hey you're not bad with your tongue.
Life Coach: You have no idea! Would you like a dumpster mattress blowjob!?
Dude: Yolo

by Cockopotomous January 10, 2018

Mattress humper

Someone that spends more time masturbating than having a life.

"im not talking to some fucking mattress humper"

by H0nyoka December 8, 2024

Mattress mermaid

1) A person (typically a female) that is content with laying with anyone on any bed with the intention of engaging in sexual acts; they are so content with doing the sex on any bed, because it's like their natural habitat.

That girl is a mattress mermaid, because she don't care whose bed she climbs into to get plowed.

by One1Upp July 17, 2024

Marine mattress

A chick who bangs marines 24/7

She's such a marine mattress

by Naughty kitty January 12, 2015

Mattress food

A sexually attractive woman

She looks like mattress food, I’ve got to feed her to my mattress.

by Daproduca May 20, 2022

Mattress baguette

that large wide thick juicy dense baguette thats been sitting out all day and might be a little hard to cut

You're as thick as a mattress baguette.

by maezvi March 1, 2025

Mattress Baguette

A derogatory insult describing a person akin to that little piece of bread wedged between your mattress and wall which has been giving you cockroaches and other critters.

You cheated on me, you're a mattress baguette.

by Pumpkinzz March 2, 2025