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Hot jerk

Verb: After one returns from being outside in the cold, one then proceeds to run their hands under scalding hot water, and then begins to masturbate
Dude, after I shoveled the snow I rewarded myself with a hot jerk
by Zacharees73 February 10, 2015
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jerking a turd

Jerk•ing•a•turd jerk-in-uh-turd

-adjective
1. Speculative term used to refer to someone's tardiness or absence.

2. late; absent; missing.
Question: "Where's the groom?"
Answer: "I don't know. He’s probably jerking a turd."

The ceremony starts at 3:00 PM sharp. You better be there - don’t be jerkin’ a turd.
by CongratulationsDave&Chrissy! August 29, 2010
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jerk punch

signature move of naweed. punching som1 in a downward jerking motion making sure the knuckles hit first causing extreme pain and usually a dead arm, called the jerk punch because of the jerking off motion of the downward punch
OMFG naweed jerk punched me and i cant fucking feel my arm omg wtf
by weedsterandzach November 12, 2010
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Missionary Jerk

A sexual position performed by homosexuals in which while facing each other (similar to the missionary position performed by a heterosexual couple) the top partner places his penis in the anus of the bottom partner while at the same time the top partner will also masturbate the bottom partner.
by Professor Pad May 22, 2011
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Beef jerking

To sprinkle beef ramen flavored packet on your penis and have your partner jerk you off until the semen mixes thoroughly with the powder so it becomes a fine mixture. Then you and your partner swallow it.
I was too poor for condoms so me and my partner were beef jerking instead.
by analdestroyer69 February 5, 2014
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suicidal jerk

When you beat your meat while everyone's home and forget to lock the door
Dude, I just had a suicidal jerk last weekend. It was sketchy
by The boonigan man September 16, 2017
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Hummingbird Jerk

1. To masturbate furiously; process by which the human male masturbates so fast that both the hand and the penis become blurred. The Hummingbird Jerk is generally done for one of two reasons:
a. Time constraints; the masturbator has a place to go, such as work or church, but is a compulsive masturbator or has blue balls and has a physiological need for ejaculatory release.
b. Recent extreme physical attraction to the opposite sex (or the same sex, as in Nick's case); due to a mentally inspired rush of adrenaline and testosterone, as well as a throbbing erection, the masturbator gets lost in the process, taking self-gratifiction to the point where penis flesh becomes torn and damaged.

The Hummingbird Jerk is also known as the Hummingbird ("I was in such a hurry that I had to give myself a Hummingbird")
a. Knowing that he could not perform his duties at work with blue balls, Drew gave himself a Hummingbird Jerk so not to be late.
b. "Because I was thinking about Jen's face being covered with my semen, I unintentionally escalated to a Hummingbird Jerk."
by The Fabulous Jizzblaster April 23, 2005
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