Rhetorical masturbation

Rhetorical masturbation: Self-aggrandizing speech consisting of lies and deceit usually by politicians.

Hillary Clinton's speech was nothing more than rhetorical masturbation .

by Bobnoxious May 17, 2017

masturbation

Something a man has no choice to resort to when most of the women he messes with:

a.) are at work
b.) are at school
c.) don't feel like fucking
d.) don't feel like PICKING UP THE GOD DAMNED PHONE!!!!

No examples for masturbation needed! You know damn well what I'm talking about, and if not, TOO GOD DAMNED BAD!

by YungPimp July 18, 2007

Masturbation

The act of stimulating ones own sex organs. Regarded as "empowering" when done by a woman; regarded as "gross" when done by a man.

Girl #1 "Like, ohmygod, I just bought a new dildo, and masturbated all night long last night!"
Girl #2: "Like, omygod, you are like so empowered, and sexually liberated, and stuff!"
Girl #1: Like, I totally know, right? Masturbation is Amazing!

Girl #1: "Like, ohmygod, I totally caught my boyfriend masturbating the other day!"
Girl #2: Like, ohmygod, what a PIG. That's like, sooo gross.
Girl #1: Like, I totally know, right? Masturbation is Disgusting.

by your fat momma September 14, 2009

Masturbation Proclamation

When one masturbates while reading the Emancipation Proclamation, preferably while dressed as Abraham Lincoln.

Kyle "Dude you should come over tonight"
Brandon "Sorry bro can't, I'm going to do a Masturbation Proclamation"

by BROmeo69 December 29, 2011

PMDS (Post Masturbation Depression Syndrome)

PMDS is a very serious illness that both men and woman can suffer throughout their lives. It is after the art of masturbation in which you will feel sad and depressed at yourself and your life. (This is a very serious illness and must be taken with extreme caution given the effects it can have on any given individual)

Jimmy: I just masturbated and I feel a deep sadness feeling inside of me.
Doctor: Well Jimmy it seems to me that you might have PMDS (Post Masturbation Depression Syndrome)
Jimmy: What does that mean doctor
Doctor: Whenever you pleasure yourself through the art of masturbation, you will become ill with depression after you ejaculate.

by Ian’s mom August 14, 2018

masturbation

the act of pleasing thy self with sexual alone time by forcing massive ejaculation.

Mike performed masturbation on his bed conforter & it left a stain(the stain is still there,true story.)

by Mike_Coolman104 June 19, 2009

Masturbation

The act of self stimulation by stroking, rubbing, or pulling your genitals. Men usually rub, sometimes women will buy dildos or finger themselves. Masturbation can result in ejaculation if the person is stimulated enough. Men/women usually perform this act when intercourse is not an option.
For people with small brains:Masturbation is touching your penis to make it feel good, or for women sticking their fingers in their vaginas.

Guy 1:Sheila is too tired to have sex, and I'm bored.
Guy 2:Why don't you try masturbation?
Guy 1:Isn't that for complete losers?
Guy 2:No dude, it's completely normal and healthy.
Guy 1:I might try it, then.

by Maximizer August 5, 2012