Quote from a narc survivor:
"
The covert narc presents themselves as a normal, rational person.
"Nice guy", or girl - there is no overt grandiosity
So to the outside strangers,and to us in the beginning
there are no outward signs that this person is not like us
So the first danger is assuming that this person is like us,
thinks like us,operates like we do.
Then,once the lovebombing & the devaluations begin,
they start with the passive-agressive behaviour,the gaslighting,
the blameshifting,word-salad,sulking,silent treatments
& other numbers of crazy-making behaviours
that leave us confused.
All of these abuses are done in private.
No-one else can see them,to the general public
& surrounding friends & family,
with the exception of those living in the home.
These remain,unseen.
So you don't know what is wrong -what has changed?
Why did the lovebombing stop, why are they treating you this way?
They tell you,,,"it is YOUR fault."
"
End of quote
"
The covert narc presents themselves as a normal, rational person.
"Nice guy", or girl - there is no overt grandiosity
So to the outside strangers,and to us in the beginning
there are no outward signs that this person is not like us
So the first danger is assuming that this person is like us,
thinks like us,operates like we do.
Then,once the lovebombing & the devaluations begin,
they start with the passive-agressive behaviour,the gaslighting,
the blameshifting,word-salad,sulking,silent treatments
& other numbers of crazy-making behaviours
that leave us confused.
All of these abuses are done in private.
No-one else can see them,to the general public
& surrounding friends & family,
with the exception of those living in the home.
These remain,unseen.
So you don't know what is wrong -what has changed?
Why did the lovebombing stop, why are they treating you this way?
They tell you,,,"it is YOUR fault."
"
End of quote
Paraphrasing:
Here is where the danger comes in:
Most self-help books tell you it's a communication problem.
This is a faulty premise - you might as well go up to a brick wall...
and bang your head against it.
You are NOT having a communication problem.
The narc is simply not interested in communicating with you.
You are not an equal,in their eyes.
You are a person to exert power & control over.
But that is their little secret to the outside world,
and its been their little secret to you -
you did not know that when you got into that relationship.
x.104narcquote
Here is where the danger comes in:
Most self-help books tell you it's a communication problem.
This is a faulty premise - you might as well go up to a brick wall...
and bang your head against it.
You are NOT having a communication problem.
The narc is simply not interested in communicating with you.
You are not an equal,in their eyes.
You are a person to exert power & control over.
But that is their little secret to the outside world,
and its been their little secret to you -
you did not know that when you got into that relationship.
x.104narcquote
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