The masturbating ninja technique

When a gentlemen decides to enter the masturbatory stage of his day, he may decide to deploy the homo sapien style (standing up) only to realize his t-shirt drops down into penile range. To avoid ejaculate or any lubratory means being transferred onto ones personnel, the ninja technique is engaged by whipping the front flap of the t-shirt over the head to create a warm, stylish, and protective measure against the army of unbelievable stickiness.

Policeman 1: "We found this fine young lad frozen to death here in the arctic tundra'.
Policeman 2: "It looks like he's been out here for weeks and missed the warm soothing touch of a woman, and decided to literally take matters into his own hands".
Policeman 1: "Correctomundo. If only he had a mentor to teach him the ways of the masturbating ninja technique, he might have pulled through".
Policeman 2: "Hey! Yeah that's true. If only he kept his shirt flipped over his head with his shoulders covered instead of taking it completely off, he'd still be here today".
Policeman 1: "Poor, poor, uninformed bastard".

by dirk digglett March 31, 2015

Moisturbating

Verb: To masturbate while using a moisturizing lotion to reduce friction.

Brad was caught moisturbating with Jergens lotion in the bathroom.

by Becca!!!! December 18, 2008

masturbathing

The act of jacking off while in the shower.

Why were you taking so long in the shower?

Oh, I just got done masturbathing.

by cabbage206 August 15, 2009

caught masturbating

Being made to feel shame and humiliation for something that every one else does.

Jill was caught masturbating in her dorm room, and her friends will never let her forget about it.

by Jill VanDeLay September 30, 2003

Masturbating

Something we all do but are too afraid to admit it. If you think that I'm lying when saying we all do it, then take a look at the stats: 40 million Americans consider themselves regular visitors to porn sites.

"I just masturbated," said Creepy Clyde.
OR
"I love masturbating," explained someone.

by Where the frogs February 26, 2017

Masturdbating

Occurs when one masturbates whilst taking a massive shit, dump, or if you have a code brown.

"Yo Anita Dump, do you hear the faint rhythmic slapping noise coming from the bathroom?"

"Yeah Hugh Janus, I was wondering what that noise was..."

**FART-PLOP-POOPNOISES**

"Ugh, I think Johnson is masturdbating again..."

by Shho13 April 19, 2014

violently masturbating

Niall Horan from One Direction was caught violently masturbating in Tokyo.

"Of all the boy band members I can't believe Niall was the one caught violently masturbating."

by 1directionfellow January 23, 2013