You have called the mental health hotline.
If you are dislexic, please ressp noe.
If you are
retarded, push the
pretty pink button.
If you have dillusions, hold on we are transferring your call to the mothership.
If you have autism, press the digit corresponding to the number of friends you have.
If you are schizophrenic, wait here and the
small voice
will tell you what to do.
If you have ADD, nobody likes you. Everybody hates you. You are a disgrace to humanity. Bring it on in our office. Press 2 for the location!
If you have aspergers, 10001110101110101001.
If you have low self-esteem, please call again. All the operators are busy.