The most scientific scale known to man for rating the desired mouth-to-phallus ratio during the practice of oral sex. On one end of the spectrum, we have Bernadette Peters with a diminutive mouth. We'll assign her oral cavity a value of .99 carollas (unit of measurement named after Adam Carolla, a pioneer in the field of Phallometry, whose Water-Displacement Method is now the standard throughout the Penile Sciences). Multiplying this value by the average human penis size (100 carollas) yields a Carolla Psychological Satisfaction (or C.P.S.) score of 99 aces (as in, "That's just aces!"). On the other end of the spectrum, we have the less desirable orifice of Sandra Bernhard measuring .01 carollas. Once again, multiplying this value by 100 yields a score of 1 ace. This indicates that the experience of inserting the male member into Bernhard's mammoth mouth for the purpose of fellatio, while perhaps physically pleasurable, is overshadowed by the pride-shattering effects.
Monica Lewinsky: Hey, Bill, you want a BJ?
President Clinton: (covers mouthpiece of the phone he's holding) Monica, I'm on the phone with a Congressman. Sorry about that sir. (inaudible chatter from phone) Yeah, just some intern I'm banging. About a 7. But you should see the mouth on her. (more inaudible chatter) What's the Bernadette-Bernhard scale? (more chatter) Adam who? Oh, I love Birchum.
Monica Lewinsky: Bill, I'm wearing that blue dress you like.
President Clinton: Congressman, I've gotta go. But you've sure given me something to think about. Maybe I'll just work her over with a cigar.
Morgan Freeman Narrator: But he didn't. Well he did. But he also got oral. Completely rejecting the principles of the Bernadette-Bernhard scale. Two things were lost that day: America's innocence, and the confidence of the pretty well-endowed Leader of the Free World. It just goes to show you, some birds aren't meant to be caged, their feathers are too bright. But in such a massive cage, who can see a bird anyway? Get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandate, get it on.
President Clinton: (covers mouthpiece of the phone he's holding) Monica, I'm on the phone with a Congressman. Sorry about that sir. (inaudible chatter from phone) Yeah, just some intern I'm banging. About a 7. But you should see the mouth on her. (more inaudible chatter) What's the Bernadette-Bernhard scale? (more chatter) Adam who? Oh, I love Birchum.
Monica Lewinsky: Bill, I'm wearing that blue dress you like.
President Clinton: Congressman, I've gotta go. But you've sure given me something to think about. Maybe I'll just work her over with a cigar.
Morgan Freeman Narrator: But he didn't. Well he did. But he also got oral. Completely rejecting the principles of the Bernadette-Bernhard scale. Two things were lost that day: America's innocence, and the confidence of the pretty well-endowed Leader of the Free World. It just goes to show you, some birds aren't meant to be caged, their feathers are too bright. But in such a massive cage, who can see a bird anyway? Get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandate, get it on.
by griffin_t_a September 25, 2014
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by gdftfhjhijuy January 12, 2008
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A rare species that appears when large individuals named Bernie become intoxicated and create a disaster.
by TFT152 June 30, 2011
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A female given name of French origin.
Bold as a bear, brave, always feminine, good looking, sexy, sweet, smart, feisty, innovative, creative, clever, caring, out spoken, free spirited, real and one of a kind.
She's the one that got away.
"Bernadette" is also a 1967 hit song recorded by The Four Tops.
A female given name of French origin.
Bold as a bear, brave, always feminine, good looking, sexy, sweet, smart, feisty, innovative, creative, clever, caring, out spoken, free spirited, real and one of a kind.
She's the one that got away.
"Bernadette" is also a 1967 hit song recorded by The Four Tops.
by I'm kinda a big deal February 8, 2010
Get the Bernadet mug.by BinahWise March 2, 2010
Get the Bernadette mug.that really cool down to earth person that doesn't let anything stop her, open minded, cares about other peoples feelings before her own, MADD chill, never boring, lives life one day at a time, clumsy, falls up the stairs, plays all kinds of sports, and a fatty, and the girl I can always go talk to and tell stories too, hey what can I say “your one dope chick”
by marcd November 20, 2012
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All Bernadettes are loyal and honest and will never do anything wrong to you unless you deserve it. They will stick by your side and fuck up anyone who crosses you. You cross her and she will whoop your ass.
She hates people that act like a gossipy old woman with 9 cats.
Most likely will have black hair. Brown and deep sleepy eyes. Definitely a banging body.
She's craving for stability but entertain chaos.
MADD chill, never boring, lives life one day at a time, clumsy, falls up the stairs, sporty, and the girl I can always go talk to like "hey what can you say about this one dope chick i met at the bar last night".
Bernadette is so effortlessly beautiful with a twisted sense of humor, cold-hearted most of the time.
All Bernadettes are loyal and honest and will never do anything wrong to you unless you deserve it. They will stick by your side and fuck up anyone who crosses you. You cross her and she will whoop your ass.
She hates people that act like a gossipy old woman with 9 cats.
Most likely will have black hair. Brown and deep sleepy eyes. Definitely a banging body.
She's craving for stability but entertain chaos.
MADD chill, never boring, lives life one day at a time, clumsy, falls up the stairs, sporty, and the girl I can always go talk to like "hey what can you say about this one dope chick i met at the bar last night".
Bernadette is so effortlessly beautiful with a twisted sense of humor, cold-hearted most of the time.
by berry-berry November 23, 2021
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